Use my e-mail address, lose your account

I signed up for Instagram yesterday, but had trouble setting up my account.  Turns out someone decided to use my e-mail address to sign up for their account.  Why they would do this, I have no idea.  This meant I had to use a secondary e-mail account to sign up.

I was not happy about this.

But then I realized that with my e-mail address come e-mail rights.  Like resetting someone's password.  And access to their account.

So I asked for a password reset to be sent to my e-mail.  Then I logged into "my" account.  Turns out some guy named "nelito" decided to use my e-mail address.

Well, guess who has a new username, e-mail address, and user profile?

My only regret is that this doesn't seem to be an active account, as this person has not posted any photos and only follows 3 people.  But if the only thing that comes out of this is some dude named Nelito looking at his phone one day and seeing that his Instagram username has changed to "nelitoisandiot", that still pleases me to no end.

The Bachelorette: No blog this season

Sadly, I will not be able to blog Dez's season of The Bachelorette.  However, I will be back for the next season of The Bachelor to find more FMCs!

The Bachelor: Season Finale

Sure, the season finale's here, but you know what?  So is Chris Harrison's new clothing line.  I know what I want for Christmas...

7:50: But seriously.  Catherine and Lindsay over Dez and Lesley?  Really?

8:01: Excuse me, but I have a tradition to uphold.

We know who you are, Chris Harrison.  You don't need to introduce yourself.

8:02: Oh, live show!  I like when they do the cutaway to the live show during the finale.

8:03: Wait, what's the late breaking news?  ARE THEY GETTING MARRIED ON AFTER THE FINAL ROSE?!  Because that would trump every season ever.

8:04: Oh yes.  Smith may be five years old, but he just went there.  Respect.

8:05: Just throwing this out there - Smith and Kensington are names given to kids by rich people.

8:07: Girl playing football.  Respect.

8:09: Is "reciprocate" the random word of the season?  First Dez's brother, now Catherine.

8:10: Sean's mom just called Catherine a "lady".  Only rich people do that.

8:12: Sean's dad just unintentionally brought up Catherine's daddy issues.  I'm not gonna lie, it got kinda dusty in the Chantastic living room during that scene.

8:14: Sean said that he could see him and Catherine on a Saturday afternoon having lunch with the rest of his family as a group of six.  Let's count the (potential) family members: Sean, Catherine, Sean's sister, Sean's brother-in-law, Sean's mom, and Sean's dad.  What about Kensington and Smith, Sean?  You do realize that children outgrow the kiddie table, right?

8:20: Tough questions from Sean's dad.

8:22: Jay is awesome.

8:25: Lindsay needs to play the "My dad is a 2 star general" card.  That's her edge over Catherine. She needs to play it.

8:34: Sean into protective mode as soon as his mom began tearing up.  Away from the cameras they go.

9:07: No comments for the two dates because there's really nothing to say when it's the final two.

9:12: When Catherine is serious, she looks away from Sean when she is talking because she's nervous.

9:16: Catherine is doing a lot of emoting.

9:23: I was wondering when Shirtless Sean was going to show up.

9:26: Sean tears!

9:33: Crowd sentiment has flipped from Lindsay to Catherine.

9:34: I could totally multiply with Lesley...

9:43: Uh-oh.

9:44: This is not going to go well.

9:46: This is going much better than I thought.  I thought there were going to be more tears.

9:47: Don't drop the L-bomb, Sean.  That's unnecessary.

9:48: Ah, there it is.

9:49: I like that Lindsay took off her heels.  No need to impress this dude any more, get me out of here in the most efficient way possible.

9:50: Tears in the limo?

9:51: Tears in the limo.

9:52: Wait, it's not even a limo.  Poor Lindsay.

9:53: Chris Harrison, mailman.

9:54: The crowd is with me on the heels!

9:55: They just asked for a round of applause for Lindsay.  Is she not going to be on After The Final Rose?  Does that mean they're going to spend an hour talking to Sean and Catherine?  No way they have enough material to talk through that, unless Catherine sent him a breakup letter that creates a ton of drama and they spend the first half hour of ATFR sorting through that.

10:02: I'm so about this moment right now.  I'm such a sap.

10:05: Someone in Seattle is very upset that she just lost her best friend.

10:08: Best Chris Harrison comment ever: "The best part of this is that I don't have to see you naked ever again."

10:09: Whoa, super hottie in the audience.

10:17: I don't think this Lindsay interview is going to be that bad.  She's too cheery for it to be AshLee levels of uncomfortable.

10:25: See?  Not that bad.

10:30: My guess on the big late breaking news about their relationship: she's moving to Dallas.

10:32: Do the picture-in-picture of them watching the proposal back already.

10:34: "I'm a woman, I want to hear the man say it first."  Is that an actual thing?

10:47: I'm all in for this wedding, especially if Chris Harrison is marrying them.

10:56: Dez has new hair.

11:00: I'm going to miss this show.

The Bachelor: The Women Tell All

An hour ago, I was still at work blasting out e-mails to various executives.  Half an hour ago, I was running to grab my pickup order.  But now, I'm here.  I have priorities.

Another sign I'm ready to be a professional reality TV blogger: the reality TV czar, Dave Jacoby, wrote a recap of the last epsiode where he made the same points I made last week - AshLee's love of turning everything she does with Sean into a metaphor about her life, Sean's questionable kissing technique, and literally using the "serial killer" phrase like I did to describe AshLee's face after Sean sent her home.

8:01: So excited for this episode.

8:02: If you'll excuse me, I have a tradition to uphold:
We know who you are, Chris Harrison.  There's no need to introduce yourself.

8:03: Love the shout-out to Shirtless Sean.

8:04: The average age of those three girls who first met Sean was...not even close to legal.

8:07: UCLA sorority house calling for Sean to turn into Shirtless Sean was pretty awesome.

8:12: FMC Lesley looks amazing tonight.

8:20: Tierra-ist coming up!

8:25: What the hell was with the 3 seconds of behind-the-scenes action before Tierra came out?

8:26: You're never going to believe this, but the women are not a fan of Tierra.

8:27: Tierra's eyebrow just started twitching!  Is it her tell when she lies?

8:31: Um, Tierra, how about commenting on AshLee being 32 years old and single and that whole spiel?!?!?!  Did you mean that as a compliment?

8:40: "Do you want to get going?  Cuz we get going?"  Has Tierra forgotten that you do not want to unleash the fury of AshLee upon the world?  Do you not remember her Serial Killer face after Sean sent her home?

8:44: St. Croix is getting a ton of free publicity.

8:46: Tierra is not a good human being.  Straight up.

8:56: The best part of The Women Tell All is when they do the picture-in-picture when running the video montage to get the person's reaction.

9:08: Dez's brother.  Oh boy.  This should be interesting.

9:18: At least Chris Harrison has enough of a sense of humour to poke fun at how he always says the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.

9:21: "Sean has healed my broken heart."  But did Sean also break AshLee's healed heart?

9:23: "Where you pissed?"
"No."
"You looked pissed."
Chris Harrison is the best.

9:29: Chris Harrison takes control of the situation and fixes the AshLee/Sean seating arrangement.  That's why he's the best.  How does he not have an Emmy?

9:35: Can we call this the most fascinating The Women Tell All in Bachelor franchise history?  That AshLee/Sean conversation was mesmerizing.

9:40: Lovin' the behind the scenes shot.  I knew there was a reason they started doing that.

9:45: When Chris Harrison wrapped up the segment and wished Sean the best, did anyone else feel like clapping along with the audience?  No?  Um, me neither.

9:52: OK, but seriously, how are Catherine and the wedding dress girl the final two?

10:00: My finally take on the AshLee situation - Sean did not say that and AshLee misinterpreted what she said.  Let's face it - AshLee isn't all there.  She likely "chose to hear what she wanted to hear" and twisted a few of Sean's words.  Don't forget - in every interview since about the fourth episode, Sean has been saying that he has strong feelings for numerous women.  Why would he suddenly say anything else?  Unless it was to get some crazy AshLee action.  Hmmm...

10:37: Actual messages I'm getting from someone, who will remain anonymous because of how horrendous the following statements are: "Wouldn't mind seeing Tierra's boobs.  The crazier she got, the more I wanted her to bust them out."  This person should be ashamed.  Tierra is completely unattractive solely because of her personality/character.  She's like an androgynous, horrible person to me.  In the infamous words of Selma, "You're going to wife that?"

The Bachelor: Episode #9

I'm so excited for the fantasy suites tonight that I'm doing a live running blog, and then adding pictures after the fact.  Check back in a couple of days to see the blog with more commentary and pictures.  It's disturbing how much I love this show.

By the way, three weeks until the end of the season and we still don't know who the next Bachelorette is going to be.  Does that mean they're not doing a Bachelorette season this year?  Or waiting until the fall to launch it?  This is upsetting.  I need more Chris Harrison in my life.

7:53: Very intrigued by tonight, especially given the news about Sean being a born-again virgin with fantasy suites on the horizon tonight.

7:59: Here we go!

8:02: Sean is wearing some bright shorts.

My shorts must match the colour of the roses I hand out.

8:04: My main takeaway from the Catherine recap is that Sean is a dork looking for a dork.

8:06: Is it even possible to put together a recap of AshLee's relationship with Sean without a shot of her crying?

Shockingly, AshLee shed tears while talking about her issues.

8:08: Who else was excited to see the shot of Lindsay in a wedding dress again?

It's really something that the girl who showed up in a wedding dress is still here.

8:09: Who had 9 minutes in the "How long into the episode until they show Sean shirtless?" pool?

8:16: Neon birds!

I'm sure PETA would have something to say about this.

8:19: "I feel like I'm with my high school sweetheart."  Well, Lindsay is only 24, so it's not that much of a stretch.

8:21: Monkeys!  Monkeys!!!  MONKEYS!!!

Lindsay was rockin' that bikini.

8:32: I wish I could bet on things like "Lindsay will accept the fantasy suite".

8:34: It was cute how Lindsay was so nervous before telling Sean she loved him.

8:36: Sean keeps on saying that he is not just looking for a wife, he is looking for his best friend.  Somewhere in Dallas, his current best friend is very upset.

8:43: AshLee with the quote of the episode: "I don't do caves."

8:46: Why does AshLee need to turn everything she does with Sean into a freakin' metaphor about her insecurities?  We get it, you have issues.

It's not just a cave.  It represents my life.

8:51: How much do you want to bet that AshLee turns the issue of the fantasy suite into a metaphor?

9:01: Has anyone else noticed that Sean's kissing technique doesn't look...ideal?

I'm gonna say that this might be too much tongue.

9:16: It's amazing how many different ways they can mention sex in the fantasy suite via metaphor.

9:19: "I never thought a boy like him would like a girl like me."  Really?  "Boy"?  Are you twelve, Catherine?

9:26: Chris Harrison sit-down interview time.  This is always good.

9:27: You can totally read between the lines - Sean is sending AshLee home.

9:38: Sean is giving the "I know I'm about to destroy this girl's world" face during AshLee's video.

9:45: Lindsay!  Did she just randomly swear for no reason before Sean even handed out a rose?

Yep, she sure did.

9:46: Cue the AshLee tears in 3...2....1...

9:47: LONGEST.  PAUSE.  EVER.

9:48: AshLee suddenly looks like a psychotic serial killer.

9:49: AshLee, the queen of metaphors, decides to go with one more.  I'm a strong, independent woman.  I do not need you to open this door for me.  I can open it myself.

9:50: I think it's safe to say that AshLee's emotional walls are back up.

Walls back up?  Confirmed.

9:54: Having seen the harshness of AshLee's exit, my new theory about the letter he receives in the finale is that it is from AshLee and she just rips him apart and tells him that he ruined her life.

9:59: The Women Tell All is going to be epic.  Think of all the storylines: Dez, her brother, and how Sean made the biggest mistake of his life.  Lesley and what could have been if she had just dropped the L-bomb.  AshLee's exit.  Sarah and her one-armedness.  Tierra.  It's going to be amazing.

Late breaking news: They're announcing The Bachelorette on the season finale of The Bachelor.  I really really really hope it's Lesley or Dez.

The Bachelor: Episode #8 Recap

Chris Harrison tells us it's another two-part episode this week, and that tonight's rose ceremony "will blow you away".  My psychic abilities tell me that tears are going to be involved.

First of all, why is The Bachelor not available on the main page at City TV's website?!  This is outrageous.

Shame, City, shame!

0:01: What the hell is AshLee's dog doing with its front leg?  Is this the dog's way of signalling to the viewers that yes, AshLee is as unstable as she seems?

Raised right foreleg is dog sign language for "unstable mess".

0:05: You're never going to believe this, but AshLee was fawning over Sean.

0:06: Here is the most awkward celebration of love in the history of television:

0:07: AshLee says, "I've been dreaming about this day since I was probably 4 or 5 years old."  So since she was 4 or 5, AshLee has been thinking, "I can't wait to meet a guy on a reality dating show to bring home to my parents so that he can hopefully be my second husband"?  AshLee should forget about the personal organizer business and start a fortune teller business.

0:08: AshLee tearing up as she tells us a story.  I'm shocked.  That never happens!

Actually, it happens all the time.

0:09: AshLee's mom did not enjoy AshLee's comment of "a lot of romance".

AshLee's mom with the "I hope the cameras didn't catch her in a sexual act" face.

0:13: AshLee's dad is definitely not accustomed to the cameras.

"I see you!"

0:14: It got awfully dusty in the Chantastic living room when AshLee's dad told the story of adopting AshLee.

This segment was sponsored by Kleenex.

0:19: Very underrated: Catherine's one-handed catch.  Even Sean used two hands.  Impressive.

"Only suckers use two hands to catch a fish thrown at them."

0:24: Catherine's response to her sisters' questions about a proposal: "If he proposes in the end, I'd say yeah, I wanna try this out."  Catherine just put a marriage proposal on the same level as test driving a car.

0:36: Lindsay is growing on me, especially after her drill sergeant bit.

The funniest segment of the show this season.

0:47: Cutest moment of the show.  Dez's reaction to seeing Sean, followed by her saying to the producers, "I gotta go!" because the producers probably told her to wait for him to come to her to get a good camera shot.

0:51: Do not mess with one of Sean's four women.

0:52: I don't know why, but as soon as the actor walked in, I knew it was all a setup.

0:54: Dez's parents seem like the nicest people ever.  I want to see more of them.  They warm my heart.

They seem so genuine.

0:56: Dez's brother wants to "holla at him real fast".  First sign of trouble - who the hell actually says that?!

0:57: Underrated moment.  Dez says, "I don't want [my brother] to scare Sean away."  And you hear Dez's dad in the background mutter, "I know", followed by this shot:

Two words: Uh.  Oh.

Translation: There's no doubt in his mind that he's going to screw this up.

0:57: Oh, haha, is this another practical joke from Dez?

No, no it is not.

Time for my theory on Dez's brother and his outburst.  As we found out on Sean Tells All the following night, Dez's brother had a first conversation with Sean that went very well, which makes this conversation even more illogical.  My theory is that when Sean first entered the house, Nate was happy to be in front of the cameras with all the extra attention around him.  However, as the night progressed with the cameras and side interviews that largely ignored him and focused on Sean, Nate became jealous of the attention Sean was getting from both his parents and Dez, and as a result, he lashed out at him.

1:01: A shirtless Sean?  Shocking.  That never happens.

1:06: Chris Harrison sit down interview time!  He's the best.  But this time, not even the knowing nod of Chris Harrison was enough to bring clarity for Sean.

The patented Chris Harrison Knowing Nod could probably bring peace to the Middle East, but it could not bring clarity to Sean this episode.

1:10: Dez unexpectedly asks Sean for a conversation during the rose ceremony.  Why do I know it's unexpected?  Look at all the camera crew scramble to get out of the way in the background of this shot.

1:12: By the way, did anyone else notice how Dez towered over the other women?  Even though if you line it up, she only looks to be a bit taller than AshLee, she just looks tall in that dress.  Maybe it's just me.

Dez towering over Lindsay.

1:13: Did anyone else notice they had to turn on a light in the picture room when Sean abruptly left the rose ceremony to think over his decision because the room wasn't lighted properly?  These are the things I notice.

1:14: "Get this right.  Take your time."  Short, simple, and to the point, followed by a pat on the back.  That's why Chris Harrison is the best.

My new life motto: Get this right.  Take your time.

1:18: Heartbreak.

Closing thoughts:

I wish I could bet on things like "Dez is going to be the next Bachelorette".  And if someone can rationally explain to me how Sean sees a better fit with AshLee or Catherine than Dez, I'd like to hear it.  He totally let the brother thing overtake his thought process.

The Bachelor: Episode #7 Recap

The recap is late because I've been spending all my time watching the epic Angela Miller performance from American Idol this past week, and by extension, Emotive Keith Urban Faces:

Keith was shocked by the quality of the first few notes from Angela Miller:

Giddy astonishment:

Feeling the emotion of the song:

Becoming one with the music:

Even Mariah stopped watching the performance so she could watch Emotive Keith Urban Faces:

Standing ovation from the judges, and Keith doesn't know what to do with himself afterwards:

Onto the show!

0:02: There's only one way to start the show: a shot of FMC!

0:04: AshLee, how do you feel about getting the 1-on-1 date?

0:04: Tierra, how do you feel about not getting the 1-on-1 date?

0:05: Tierra shares her feelings about AshLee while enraging all 30+ single women across America in the same interview.  She's big on multi-tasking.

"AshLee is 32 years old...why hasn't she found somebody who she can settle down with?  Like, you're 32 years old."

Shots fired!

0:06: I want to know who is going to pick up Sean and AshLee's clothes that they left on the beach, and what they are listed as in the closing credits.  "Clothing organizer"?

0:08: FMC looks amazing in a bikini.  Look at those abs!

0:09: AshLee creates a word to describe Tierra: "PoutyPants".  That's pretty accurate.

0:10: AshLee definitively states, "This is my future husband."  Who's going to break the bad news to AshLee?

0:12: Tierra receives the 1-on-1 date and proceeds to complain about how it's not the type of date that she wanted.  FMC sums up everybody's feelings quite well: "She's so miserable.  She's the most unhappy person I've ever come in contact with.  I hate that bitch."  Yet another reason why Lesley is an FMC - I love a girl who cuts the BS and gets to the point.

0:16: AshLee's secret is that she got married in high school.  Take that, Tierra!  She was married way before you!

0:25: Tierra tells Sean that she tries to get involved with the other girls and that she tries talking to them.  This is coming from the person who refused to sleep in the same bed/room as the other girls and moved a cot to the living room for herself.

0:29: Tierra has referred to Sean and the show as a game twice this episode.  First, when talking to Sean about the distance she felt with him on their 1-on-1, she said, "I feel like I'm behind in the game." Second, when talking about how someone in the house spoke out about the tension in the house, she said, "I can play that game right back."  So the show is a game to Tierra.  Which doesn't surprise me given that Tierra just got engaged.

0:34: When Sean crashes the bachelorette house at 4:30 AM, he must have seen that Tierra had moved to a cot outside of the bedroom, right?

0:36: Sunrise date.  Pretty good.

0:36: Sean needs to learn how to drive.  He's all over the yellow line!

0:46: Catherine spills her heart out about her dad being depressed and living in China.  That half-explains one of the big mysteries I couldn't figure out this season: What ethnicity is Catherine?

0:47: Damn...

0:49: Look at Dez breaking the fourth wall by looking directly at the camera!

Why did Dez look at the camera?  Because she knew she was about to cry and was embarrassed that it was going to be caught on camera.

0:49: She did it again!  It's endearing that she's embarrassed about crying on camera.

0:51: Now that I've noticed Dez looking at the camera, I can't stop noticing every time she does it!

1:03: Words of wisdom from big sis.  Big fan of Sean's sister:

1:04: Let's remember the following exchange.

Tierra: Some people have sabotaged me.

AshLee: And who is that?

Tierra: Just, like, all the girls.

1:05: "I'm a 24 year old woman.  You're 32 years old."  I don't even know what that is meant to imply.

1:05: Shay's reaction to finding out that Tierra does not "hang out with the other girls" says it all.

1:06: Shay's advice: "Don't end up with the girl nobody likes."  You go girl.

1:06: The Tierra Storm Off.

1:07: "I never brought the girls into this, AshLee."  I could have sworn you just said all the girls were sabotaging you.  Cue AshLee's exasperated look to the producers off-camera and asking them to "re-roll tape".

1:07: Let's be quite honest - of all the bachelorettes left in the house, AshLee is not the one you want to piss off.

1:08: AshLee and Tierra both need to stop saying that it was "a sabotage".  If you're going to argue, at least argue with correct grammar.

1:08: Catherine's face during this argument is priceless.

1:08: Word-for-word argument:

AshLee: "You said your parents say the same thing.  They were worried about you coming on here because you can't get along with girls."

Tierra: "They never said that.  They said 'Tierra, you have a sparkle.  Do not let those girls take your sparkle away.'"

If your parents are warning you that you might not get along with other women, don't you think that the problem is you, and not every other woman on the planet?

1:08: "I CAN'T CONTROL MY EYEBROW!!!"

1:12: "I'm so sensitive and I have such a big heart..."  ...and humble, Tierra.  Don't forget humble.

1:20: "I can't believe they did this to me."  Yes, Tierra.  They did this to you.  Not your fault at all.  This was all them.

1:30: I'm not sure how Sean found a way to say no to this, but he did.

1:31: You would think that Catherine would be happy to receive a rose.  You, of course, would be wrong.

Let's let Catherine explain because I surely cannot:

"I honestly can't explain how I'm feeling right now.  If he doesn't want Lesley, I don't know why I'm here.  She has more in common with him than I do.  I swear, I didn't want to say that but that's truly what I believe.  So this is extremely tough for me.  My beliefs are shattered about what he wants."

If Catherine truly believed that Lesley was a better choice for Sean than she was, shouldn't she be happy that she's gone since her main competition is out of the way?  Like, if I was on The Bachelorette and there was a guy who I thought was a better choice than me, I would be elated if he was sent home.

1:33: I can't wait until next week's hometown dates, especially Dez's.  That looks to be unlike any other hometown date ever on the show.

Final thoughts:

Dez is going to win, which I've said since the second episode, unless his family epically screws up the hometown date for her.

More interesting is that it's near the end of The Bachelor, and they still have not yet announced who the next Bachelorette is.  My theory why they haven't made the announcement yet is because they will announce one of the rejects from this season as the next Bachelorette, and it's going to be Lesley.  And it's more than wishful thinking - members of the Grantland Reality TV Podcast also believe this is going to happen.  I could not be more excited for this if it actually happens.  Is it too late for me to apply to the show?