Monday, September 10, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Season Finale

"Disturbing".
"The world will be talking about the Bachelor Pad finale."
"It may be two of the best hours that we've ever produced in the 10 years that we've been doing any franchise."

These are not words to describe a normal show.  But they're being used by Chris Harrison and Bachelor Pad producers to describe tonight's season finale.  This could be an epic night.

7:43: I'm so excited for tonight's episode that FMC Jamie is about #4 on my list of things I'm looking forward to tonight.  And you know that's saying something.

7:58: This YouTube clip has easily topped Michael Stagliano as my favourite Bachelor Pad related music video.  Just tremendous.

7:59: I'm giddy with excitement.  Just giddy.

8:00: I bet you Chris Harrison will unnecessarily introduce himself to the audience tonight.

8:01: There's no need to introduce yourself, Chris Harrison.  We know who you are.  Sorry, but that's tradition.

8:03: Oh no.  FMC Jamie got the same amount of cheers as the twins.  Oh no.  Oh no.

8:06: What is an "emotional banana sandwich"?

8:07: Broken glass.  Broken dreams.

8:08: Still going!  This makes me strangely happy.

8:09: "No, I'm good."  Kalon doesn't disappoint.

8:14: Is Stags going to bring up his music tour during this interview?

8:17: I enjoy how Erica is upset that she was lied to on Bachelor Pad.

8:21: This show is the best.

8:26: Ed is sharply dressed tonight.

8:30: I just want to point out that Jaclyn met her supposed best friend on a reality show less than a year ago.  Just throwing that out there.

8:32: How is there no update on Jaclyn and Ed?  That was an awkward conversation that I wanted to witness.

8:39: Did Blakely just treat "Scorpio" and "scorpion" as the same word?

8:40: "THIS GUY."

8:41: I'm not sure that that's a good look for Jamie.

8:43: Jaclyn, I'd rather be socially awkward and hot than annoyingly needy and not.

8:45: Wait a second...from those previews, is Nick The Mute going to do what it looks like he's about to do?

8:51: I respect any dude that breaks out of the FriendZone.

8:52: They stood up to announce her moving to Portland?  This is kinda ridiculous.

8:54: Neil Lane appearance!

8:55: Wow.  Well, that explains why they stood up.

8:59: Chris is dressed well.

9:01: Wow, Nick is completely zoned out and could not care less about this Rachel-Stags situation.

9:02: It's weird to see Nick without a massive sunburn all over.

9:04: Every time they cut to Nick, it looks like he's thinking about how this could be time spent under the sun.

9:17: The fans speak!

9:19: Wait, where was Nick and Rachel's "plea"?  I sure didn't hear one.  Nick is mute one last time.

9:23: Rachel hasn't flipped out yet, which means there's only one reason for her to go crazy...

9:28: Oh, prisoner's dilemma, how I'm about to love you...

9:32: That is some tremendously bad acting Rachel and Nick are doing "pondering their decision".  You know how I don't think about important life decisions?  By picking up two giant signs over and over again.

9:38: Ohmygodthisisgoingtobesoeffinggood.

9:39: Why is Chris Harrison standing behind that weird barrier thing?

9:40: YESYESYESYESYESYES.

9:42: Epic speech.  Epic everything.  EPIC.  EPIC.  EPIC.

9:44: NICK IS MY HERO.

9:45: "I'm the schmuck with $250,000."

9:47: Nick is like the villain you didn't see coming, and it's amazing.  Except his speech made perfect sense, and I don't blame him one bit.  All he needed after his speech was to show "KEEP" and then a mic to drop on the ground as he walked off stage.

9:48: I would like to join the Nick Fan Club.

9:49: Excellent point, Kalon.  Excellent point.

9:52: You know what I'd be doing if I just won $250,000?  Grinning ear to ear like Nick, that's what.

9:56: Note that Rachel hasn't come up with one valid reason why what Nick did was wrong.  Just a lot of crying and tears.

9:57: This was just so brilliant.  And everything he said in his speech made perfect sense.  Note that nobody was saying "He made the wrong decision."  Just a lot of "I can't believe he did that" and "I feel bad for her".  But his rationale was perfect.  That's why this is the prisoner's dilemma.

10:00: AMAZING.

10:01 This season was like a great movie with a massive Sixth Sense-esque twist at the end.  All of these clues that he wasn't who we thought he was, but we never put it together until the very, very end.  Nick, I applaud the hell out of you.  Well deserved, and well played.

10:07: Only one way to recap this season.  "BP3.  Anything goes."  Followed by a slow clap.  Can't wait til The Bachelor starts up again in January.

Monday, September 03, 2012

Bachelor Pad: Episode #7

It's Labour Day, so I've given the guy who writes the normal pre-amble to the running diary the day off.  I'm a great boss like that.

7:57: Kalon's gone, Erica's gone, Stags is gone.  Among the remaining cast members are Despondent Rachel and a possible mute.  Who's going to provide the entertainment now?

8:01 Nick The Mute speaks!

8:02: Who decides on the champagne toast-giver?  Why did Chris get to do it this episode?  Is it because he won the spelling bee challenge last week?

8:03: Nick The Mute speaks again!  Also, it seems like Nick has spent some time under the sun.

8:04: Blakely on Chris: "He is a good game-player.  But he's also conniving and a liar."  Isn't that what normally makes someone a good "game-player"?

8:05: Tony's breaking out the stylish beater today.

8:07: Speaking of Tony's wardrobe, Dave Jacoby of the Grantland Reality Fantasy League raised a good question during last week's episode: Why was Tony in an outfit befitting a figure skater?

8:09: Trapeze time!

8:10: Tony has unfortunate fashion choices.

8:11: Nick The Mute has a personality!

8:12: Gotta be Donna!

8:15: "Sarah's TV watching is definitely paying off."

8:18: I'd be lying if I said I'm not jealous of Sarah's Bachelor/ette/Pad knowledge.

8:23: Someone call the NRA - Rachel is putting on a gun show.

8:24: Nick is making up for lost time - he's spoken more this episode than all previous episodes.

8:25: For those counting at home, that's three mentions of Tony's son tonight, and we're only 25 minutes in.  This is clearly the drinking game for this episode.

8:30: Another mention of Tony's son: drink!

8:31: Solid speech by Chris, though.

8:32: Ed showing some man-tears.

8:33: If you're playing the drinking game, you'd be drunk by now.

8:34: Just because you need the money the most, Blakely, doesn't mean you deserve the money the most.  There's a jump in logic there.

8:39: Is Nick sorta going bald, or is that just me?

8:41: I feel like they're putting Nick's interviews on the show simply because there's nobody else left.

8:50: What the hell?  Glee isn't on ABC.

8:51: Brad the Glee pianist!

8:52: Why does everyone on the show keep on pronouncing the "G" in "singer"?  It's driving me insane.

8:55: Motorin'!

9:10: Rachel isn't that bad.

9:12: Nick!  On his knees!  Who is this guy?!

9:14: This is not going well.

9:16: Some epic audience shots.

9:23: You gotta give credit to Sarah for not holding back.  That's about all I'm going to give her credit for.

9:26: "Pitchy"?  Who are you guys, Randy Jackson?  This isn't exactly American Idol here, guys.

9:28: Again, why are there two roses with stems?  Where is the man-rose?

9:30: Nick and Rachel have to pick Chris and Sarah, right?  There's no way that they can pick Jaclyn and Ed, right?

9:31: The Kelly Clarkson concert I went to last week was much better than this.  I'm just sayin'.

9:38: It's gotta be Chris and Sarah.

9:39: Who is this guy?  Nick is totally breaking out of his shell.

9:40: For the record, I would totally sell out one of my friends that I met on a reality show for a guaranteed shot at $250,000.

9:41: As always, solid background music choice by the editors.

9:46: I love how Jaclyn thinks that choosing Sarah and Chris would reflect on how Rachel feels about her.  Um, maybe the $250,000 has something to do with it.  Just a wild guess.

9:48: Jaclyn is a total drama queen.  Why does everything have to be about her?

9:49: Separate limos for Jaclyn and Ed.

9:52: I've had just about enough of Jaclyn.

9:53: #ChrisHarrisonShockedFace

9:54: Jamie!  The FMC returns!

9:57: The finale looks interesting, to put it mildly.

10:00: One more episode to go!  Motorin'!