Monday, March 19, 2012

The countdown to a new music obsession

I am a sucker for a countdown clock in just about any setting besides the anticlimactic one used for New Year's.

I love Delta Goodrem.

As such, this excites me tremendously.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

When cleaning is more important than drinking

St. Patrick's Day, aka An Excuse For Everyone To Drink On The Same Day, was Saturday.  At 2:30 AM on Sunday morning, somebody decided it was vitally important to take all their empty cans and bottles to the garbage chute on my floor.  I respect that dedication to maintaining a tidy home.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Calling on anyone who has a sense of logic...from the side of the road

I just discovered that it is now illegal in my home province of Alberta to drive while talking on a cell phone.  My question is this - why is it illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving, but legal to talk to someone in the car while driving with one hand?  In both situations, the driver is engaged in conversation with someone else with exactly one hand on the wheel, yet one of them is legal and one of them is not.  Can someone explain to me how this makes sense?

If I'm driving while on my cell phone, how is that any different than driving while I'm talking to someone in my car and drinking a bottle of water?  One hand holding something other than the steering wheel?  Check.  Talking to someone while driving?  Check.  Legal?  Depends if it meets the narrative that the media and government have built.

Why is it OK to use a hands-free cell phone?  Isn't that essentially telling us that it's not the actual communication that is dangerous, but the distraction of having something other than the steering wheel in my hands?  So why not pass a law that bans people from holding anything but the steering wheel in their hands?  Better yet, why not pass a law that bans people from driving one-handed?  Wouldn't that be a law that makes more sense if you're saying that the use of a cell phone is dangerous, and not the communication aspect?

I'm not against these "distracted driving" laws per se.  I just want some consistency.  If the government truly thinks that talking on a cell phone while driving is dangerous, then shouldn't other activities that meet the exact same criteria also be banned?

Monday, March 12, 2012

Bachelor Season Finale: Live Running Diary

It's the season finale tonight and I'm excited.  Very excited.  And not only because I want to see if Lindzi's tears will lead to the most makeup-stained tears in the history of reality television (though if you weren't thinking about it before, you'll definitely be on the lookout now).  And not only because I want to see the most villainous person in Bachelor history (Vienna is not even in her league) inevitably receive the final rose.  No, the reason why I'm excited is because your favorite host and mine, Chris Harrison, has been sending out ominous Tweets since last night.  Such as this.  And this.  Something's gong down tonight, and it's going to be epic.

Another reason why I'm excited?  Because I saw this online the other day:

It'll be such a great story to tell our grandchildren one day: "Remember when I found out you were single and put it on my blog, and you read it, and then read how much I adored you, and that totally creeped you out, and you had to get a restraining order, but then eventually you realized that you should give me a chance?"  If that's not true love, I don't know what is.

7:07: You know what I'm not excited for?  Seeing Ashley on TV again.

7:08: As you may have guessed, I follow Chris Harrison on Twitter, which is how I find out about future must see TV moments like this.

7:57: 3 minutes!

8:00: Over/under: 7 minutes of recaps to kick off the show.

8:03: Only two minutes of recaps.  Shocking!

8:06: Chris Harrison just said that this is "the most controversial finale of The Bachelor."  Keep in mind, we had a season where the guy dumped the girl he chose for the other finalist on After the Final Rose.  So either Chris Harrison is lying or we're in store for some epic television tonight.  And Chris Harrison doesn't lie.

8:14: Is Lindzi wearing less makeup tonight or is it just me?

8:15: I've been the nervous cutlery-dropping guy before, but in a dinner interview situation.  Not fun.

8:19: Ben's sister is all kinds of awesome.  First, getting the sneaky inside scoop on Courtney from Lindzi.  And then doing a double-take/eye roll after finding out she's "Courtney the Model".

8:21: "She's a model?!  C'mon, Ben."  Classic.

8:25: I'm no TV producer, but how exactly is tonight's show going to work?  Lindzi's segment was 20 minutes, so it'll be 8:45 by the time Courtney's done visiting with Ben's family.  What they hell are they doing for the next hour and fifteen minutes?

8:27: I love watching Courtney put the Courtney spin on history.  It's amazing to watch.  Like watching Michael Jordan play basketball - just a magician working her magic.

8:29: Notice that Lindzi was speaking with Ben's family.  Courtney is speaking at Ben's family.

8:30: Oh no, Julia!  Oh no!  You've been sucked in!

8:31: It's 8:31.  Let's assume the last half hour is for the proposal/rejection.  What the hell is happening over the next hour?    They can't possibly be doing a Chris Harrison interview with Ben for an hour, can they?

8:32: I'm not complaining if there's an hour of Chris Harrison, by the way.  Step aside, Jeff Probst.  He's the best reality TV host.

8:34: I'm totally watching American Reunion.

8:37: Ben's mom likes using the word "accomplished".

8:38: Notice that Ben is discussing Lindzi's merits with the family, but Ben was almost trying to convince them when it came to Courtney.  "She has depth to her.  You saw that, right?"  Actual quote from Ben to his mom.

8;39: What?  There's two more dates?  C'mon.  We all know he's choosing Courtney.  There's no need to pretend for the next 45 minutes, Ben.

8:40: You probably noticed that I didn't have much to say for the first 20 minutes of the show tonight.  That Popeyes Chicken wasn't going to eat itself, you know.  At least give me credit for eating fried chicken, watching the show, and blogging while not getting any glorious chicken grease on my laptop.

8:42: By the way, if you had a pool going on when the first mention of Ben's dad would be, it was at 8:38.

8:45: Poor Lindzi.  She has no idea that she has absolutely no chance of receiving the final rose.

8:46: Carriage cam!

8:47: Picnic on a gondola is pretty epic.

8:49: "Since your hometown, you've been more open, yeah."  What happened after hometown dates?  Fantasy suites.  So here's the translation: We hooked up, so yeah, you've been more open.

8:51: "...when he proposes to me...."  Oh no, Lindzi.  Oh no.

8:56: Ben is thanking Lindzi.  You know what someone doesn't do before they propose to them?  Thank them.  No, the only reason Ben would thank someone on the show is to say "Thanks for the good times, but...".

9:00: Lindzi just said "I know you can't say anything" just before she told Ben she loved him, and then Ben said the same thing a bit later.  Is there a rule where the producers have told The Bachelor that he can't say that he loves them?

9:01: Just tremendous use of background music by the sound editing team on the show as usual.

9:03: This is how amazingly good Courtney is at always putting herself in a position of power: even when Ben isn't around, she manages to put herself in the position of power between the two of them.  During the preview clip of their date, she says, "I'm terrified that Ben's going to do to me what Ashley did to him."  Not, "I'm afraid of Ben not choosing me" or "I'm terrified that Ben will choose Lindzi."  No no, that gives Ben the upper hand.  So instead, she puts him down by mentioning Ashley.  The best part is that this happens in an interview so Ben isn't even around to hear it.

9:06: Yet another one of Courtney's many Jedi mind tricks: Courtney and Ben meet for their date.  Ben walks towards Courtney.  Courtney just stands there and waits for Ben to come to her, and only starts walking when he's ten feet away.  No another girl does this.

9:08: How many episodes in a row has a helicopter been involved?

9:09: I just had to Wikipedia the Matterhorn to see what the big deal was with it.  Apparently it's an "iconic emblem of the Swiss Alps".  Well then.

9:11: Oh, c'mon Ben.  Don't tell us you're "confused".  The only confusion you have is whether to get down on your left knee or your right when you propose to Courtney.

9:16: Just throwing this out there, but it's been at least two episodes since we've seen Courtney's signature pouty mouth move.

9:18: What are the chances that Courtney made the scrapbook by herself, and what are the chances that she told a producer what she wanted and made them do it?

9:19: When did it become OK for people to sign with just a letter?  It's slowly happened more and more frequently over the years, and I don't know what led us to this point.  Is it really that hard to write your full name?  And also, why is it only girls who do this?  How come I've yet to receive an e-mail from a guy with just an initial?  Would it be weird to sign my e-mails with only an "S"?  These are the things I think about.

9:24: Courtney is a total master of Ben.  One minute, things are going well.  Then she's reading a love letter.  And then all of a sudden she's scared.  And now she's crying.  Ben doesn't know whether she's coming or going, and thus always feels like he must win her over instead of the other way around.  Courtney is a genius.

9:27: Fuzzy camera slow mo video montage time!

9:28: Ben talking about Lindzi: "She just has this glow about her."  Yes Ben, but that glow is from her makeup.

9:29: Lindzi without makeup!  Lindzi without makeup!  Note that they only shot her from her right when she was makeup-less, thus hiding the blemish on the left side of her chin.

9:31: Neil Lane blatant promotion time!

9:32: I like how Neil Lane called Ben out on it being the second time they had met.

9:33: That's some bling there, Neil.  But I've seen better in person.

9:34: It's fitting that both women are wearing black dresses to meet Ben.

9:35: The background for this scene is ridiculous.  Idyllic is the perfect word to describe it.

9:36: I wonder what would happen if I told my boss that I was going to be on The Bachelor Canada and needed to take a two month sabbatical from work.  And then take some time off for media appearances afterwards.

9:39: Speaking of work, someone just e-mailed me at 9 PM.  Don't they know that it's The Bachelor finale?

9:40: First girl out means she's getting sent home.  I read somewhere that it's because they save the girl he's going to choose for last to get the sunset shot as he proposes.  There's way too much daylight right now.

9:43: Oh, Lindzi just realized what's about to happen.  Except it's not happening for another two minutes.

9:45: Lindzi is putting up an amazing front right now.  Not a tear.  Not a tremble.  It's pretty impressive, actually.

9:46: "And if things don't work out, call me?"  I've never heard that at the finale before.

9:47: I'm giving Lindzi all the credit in the world for keeping it together until the interview/helicopter.  And even then, it was kinda majestic the way she broke down.

9:51: Think we get a signature Courtney lip pout when Ben gets down on one knee?

9:51: By the way, I have yet to see anything that I would call "the most controversial finale in Bachelor history", Chris Harrison.  But I trust you, Chris Harrison, I trust you.

9:53: FYI, "Lindzi" is trending on Twitter in the U.S. right now.

9:55: Some interesting black leather gloves on Courtney.

10:01: "You're my forever...", "I'll love you forever...".  And in the world of reality TV time, I think "forever" might last about an hour.  As in, I'm not entirely convinced that they'll still be together on After the Final Rose.  Especially considering that nothing about this finale has been "controversial" in the least.  I still believe in what you promised me, Chris Harrison.

10:02: Oh, it's about to get real.

10:02: As G-Unit and I always like to say, Chris Harrison, you don't need to introduce yourself.  We all know who you are.

10:04: Goateed Ben in the hizzie!

10:10: Who's idea do you think it was to try on wedding dresses to divert attention away from Ben's tabloid photos?  Ben, or the Evil Genius?  C'mon, we all know that has Courtney written all over it.

10:14: Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but nobody is "reeling" from Lindzi being rejected and Courtney being chosen.  You're only "reeling" when something shocking happens.  Nobody was shocked by what happened.

10:20: Wow, are they not even going to bring out Lindzi?  I guess nobody really cares about her...

10:26: Chris Harrison is doing a masterful job of asking the questions we want answered.

10:35: It's fun to watch them watch their proposal.

10:38: Interesting that when they cut back to the audience from the clip of the proposal, there was no clapping from the audience.  Remember, the audience clapped for when they came back from a clip of Nicki getting sent home.

10:39: Ben with some man-tears.  He's keepin' it real.

10:40: Where's the "Neil Lane" on the ring box?

10:41: Ashley and JP are not "one of our most beloved Bachelorette couples".  You know why?  Because we all hated Ashley's season as she slowly devolved into an insecure mess.  So let's not pretend like that didn't happen.

10:51: Chris Harrison on Ashley and JP: "You're one of our favorite couples."  Let's keep in mind that there are only four couples still together from the Bachelor franchise: Trista & Ryan, Jason & Molly, Ashley & JP, and...Ben & Courtney.  Ben & Courtney...not one of America's favorite couples.  So by definition, Ashley & JP must be one of the favorite couples since there are only three couples in the running.

10:54: Chris Harrison as the minister would be only way that I would watch Ashley & JP's wedding.

10:55: Chris Harrison uses the same joke for possible baby names that I use!

10:59: And with that ends the greatest Bachelor season I have watched.  Ever.  I haven't watched all of them, but this one definitely was the best by far.  I look forward to May 14th when Mother Teresa Emily begins as The Bachelorette.  It's been a blast, but now it's time to bid adieu to the most Chantastic show on television. Until next time...

11:01: Late breaking news - you might see me on reality TV this summer!

Monday, March 05, 2012

Bachelor Episode #10: Live Running Diary

Can you believe my friend Stephe had the audacity to suggest we go for drinks after work today, the day of The Women Tell All?  I, of course, had to respond with my usual "It's Bachelor night...Chan has priorities."

And if I wasn't excited enough already about The Women Tell All and once again being reunited with FMC Casey (I am going to blissfully ignore this article that G-Unit e-mailed to me recently), one of the producers from The Bachelor just sent out this Tweet.  I'm excited super-excited uber-excited giddy for tonight.

6:28: I almost had a nervous breakdown when I turned on my TV this morning to listen to some CNBC while I was getting ready for work and the cable box wasn't working.  The only thought that went through my head as this was happening was, "Bachelor tonight!  Bachelor tonight!"  It wasn't even a full sentence.  Just a two word fire alarm going off in my head.  Fortunately, the crisis has been averted...for now.

7:30: Remember the venomous reaction that Shawntel received when she showed up on the show?  Who will the women hate more - Shawntel or Courtney The Model (CTM)?  I'm going with CTM in a landslide.  If the women already hated CTM, imagine how they're going to feel once they watch CTM's interview segments.

7:51: Does anyone else follow Chris Harrison on Twitter?  Does anyone else get bombarded by Twitter with suggestions to follow various Bachelor/ette/Pad alum?  No?  Maybe it's just me then...

7:52: There's a 50/50 chance that tonight will be the highlight of my week.  That's a function of both my unexciting life and how much I love this show.

8:00: CTM is here!  AMAZING!

8:01: Yes, that really does deserve capital letters.

8:01: You're damn right you're going to give Chris Harrrison a standing ovation.  Best TV host ever.

8:04: Ryan P and the water heater - a trip down memory lane!

8:05: Ali!  I miss Ali.

8:06: There are unconfirmed reports that I sat on my couch with a huge grin on my face as I saw Frank and Ali reconnect.

8:07: Bachelor Pad!  I'm so excited, and there's still at least four months to go until that hits this summer.

8:09: I just realized that Emily's season of The Bachelorette is going to seem like a snooze-fest compared to this season of The Bachelor.  But no matter what happens, it'll still be better than Ashley's season of insecurity.

8:12: Jamie!!

8:13: Casey!!!

8:13: Nicki!

8:14: The number of exclamation marks is directly proportional to how much I enjoyed each person.

8:16: Jamie!!  Awkward Kissing Jamie!!

8:18: Samantha's voice is a lot more whiny and screechy than I remember.

8:19: Is Samantha still drunk from the episode when she got kicked off the show?

8:20: Chihuahua comment for the win!  Props to Brittney.

8:25: It seems some of the ladies still don't like Shawntel.

8:27: Shawntel and Lindzi should star in a double season of The Bachelorette, and they'll call it Bachelorettes: Two Women Who Wished Their Parents Could Spell.

8:31: Why is Erica wearing a ring on her ring finger?

8:32: Emily's boobs are mesmerizing in that dress.  Just goes to show, bigger isn't necessarily better.

8:36: I can't believe that there's only a bit more than an hour of this magical episode left tonight.

8:37: I just realized that there have not been any preview clips of Casey talking about her departure tonight.  This upsets me.

8:39: I didn't realize that CTM gave Emily a look after receiving the final rose when she was sent home.  Wow.

8:42: Chris Harrison is awesome.

8:43: I find it endearing that Kacie and Nicki are clearly good friends from the way that they look at each other.  I think that's swell.

8:44: I just remembered CTM's only friend in the house was Casey.  Maybe they're saving Casey for that segment?  I'm not sure I can handle my girl defending CTM.

8:48: Nicki just sat down and hasn't said a word, and she already sounds emotional just from her sigh.

8:50: The audience just clapped at the conclusion of the Nicki's clip, which ended with her in tears.  That's probably not an appropriate time to clap, people.  There's no obligation to clap at the end of everything.

8:53: Finally, one of the bachelorettes says that they wouldn't ask Ben what she did wrong since she was just herself.  It's about time that these women keep assuming that they did something wrong if Ben sent them home.  You're not a perfect match for every single person.  Sometimes, two people just aren't right for each other, and there's nothing that anybody did "wrong".  I have female friends who I think are great people, but I would never date because it's just not meant to be (and I'm sure many of them feel the same way about me!). Good job, Nicki.  Way to not play the "It must be my fault" card.  That in itself is as much of a turn-on for me as anything that's been done on the show (not including anything related to Casey obviously).

8:58: Kacie looked like a girl when she emerged from the limo in the premiere.  She looks a lot more mature now.

8:59: I just want to point out that the Kacie's limo driver changed lanes without signalling.  By the way, who pays the fine if the limo driver gets a ticket?  The limo driver?  The show?  The person in the back of the limo?  The camera guy in the limo?  The limo company?  Is the limo owned by ABC or do they outsource the limo?  These are the things I think about.

9:01: "You flew halfway around the world to Belize."  Chris Harrison, you're awesome, but don't make it sound like Kacie paid for her ticket when the show clearly did.

9:04: Oh wow, a backstage shot of CTM pacing.  They're bringing out all the stops tonight.

9:07: S*** is about to get real.

9:07: I liked that Nicki mimicked CTM's pouty lip move.

9:09: I liked that all the girls did the black spider widow clap at the same time at the end of the montage.

9:10: Casey looks like she wants to say something in defense of CTM...

9:11: Casey!!! She speaks!!!

9:15: I'm not sure what it says about me, but my two favorite ladies from the show are Casey and Jamie, who have both tried to defend CTM tonight.  Does that mean I'm attracted to girls with good hearts who try to see the best in people?  Or does that mean I like completely naive girls?

9:19: This is going to be good.

9:20: "The women are understandably...pissed."  As always, Chris Harrison is awesome.

9:25: Emily just killed it.

9:26: This is the greatest show on television.

9:31: Emily's questions and the way she presents herself is on such a higher and more intelligent level than anyone else right now.

9:35: I'm not sure what was going on there.  Either Courtney was real, or Courtney deserves an Emmy.

9:36: It was interesting to see CTM zone out during Blakely's attempt at an olive branch, and then five seconds later, break down into tears.  Was she zoning out because she knew she was about lose it, or was she just using that time to make herself cry?  You tell me.

9:37: During her breakdown, CTM also apologized for the way she hurt Ben.  Possible spoiler alert?

9:38: The reception that Ben received from the ladies wasn't exactly warm.  Perhaps they're all a bit turned off after seeing Ben with CTM every week, plus the skinnydipping shenanigans that they didn't know happened.

9:39: Jennifer does not think highly of Blakely.  Blakely was not a fan of that.

9:42: Casey is just so damn sweet.

9:43: Did Jamie just do that?  Yes, yes she did.

9:46: I can't believe we're not getting a Casey update.  I'm upset.

9:51: Ben just mentioned "the love he has" for CTM.  That's not foreshadowing at all.

9:52: Nicki's face in the picture-in-picture said it all.

9:52: I can't believe that Ben used the words "nurturing" and "understanding" to describe CTM.  Those might actually be the last two adjectives in the English language I would use to describe her.

9:53: The picture-in-picture of Nicki, Kacie, and Emily's faces during Lindzi's video montage screamed "I wish I had that".  And by "that", I mean the strong connection/relationship with someone, not Ben himself.

9:55: "Most controversial season finale of The Bachelor" = "Ben chooses Courtney".

10:00: Jenna embraces her meltdown.  That's kind of funny.

10:01: Monica with the line of the night.  And on that note, this awesome two hours of television comes to a close.  Is anyone convinced that Ben doesn't choose Courtney at this point?  Not that I would ever not watch even if I knew the outcome...

Friday, March 02, 2012

Rushing To Damage Control

You're never going to believe this, but Rush Limbaugh said something idiotic this past week on his radio show.  The problem is that Rush's radio show has sponsors, and when you say something that's likely to offend a large portion of the female population, chances are that those sponsors are going to hear about their support of Rush's show.  Especially when one of those sponsors is ProFlowers.



That's a lot of copying and pasting.