Bachelor Pad: Season Finale

"Disturbing".
"The world will be talking about the Bachelor Pad finale."
"It may be two of the best hours that we've ever produced in the 10 years that we've been doing any franchise."

These are not words to describe a normal show.  But they're being used by Chris Harrison and Bachelor Pad producers to describe tonight's season finale.  This could be an epic night.

7:43: I'm so excited for tonight's episode that FMC Jamie is about #4 on my list of things I'm looking forward to tonight.  And you know that's saying something.

7:58: This YouTube clip has easily topped Michael Stagliano as my favourite Bachelor Pad related music video.  Just tremendous.

7:59: I'm giddy with excitement.  Just giddy.

8:00: I bet you Chris Harrison will unnecessarily introduce himself to the audience tonight.

8:01: There's no need to introduce yourself, Chris Harrison.  We know who you are.  Sorry, but that's tradition.

8:03: Oh no.  FMC Jamie got the same amount of cheers as the twins.  Oh no.  Oh no.

8:06: What is an "emotional banana sandwich"?

8:07: Broken glass.  Broken dreams.

8:08: Still going!  This makes me strangely happy.

8:09: "No, I'm good."  Kalon doesn't disappoint.

8:14: Is Stags going to bring up his music tour during this interview?

8:17: I enjoy how Erica is upset that she was lied to on Bachelor Pad.

8:21: This show is the best.

8:26: Ed is sharply dressed tonight.

8:30: I just want to point out that Jaclyn met her supposed best friend on a reality show less than a year ago.  Just throwing that out there.

8:32: How is there no update on Jaclyn and Ed?  That was an awkward conversation that I wanted to witness.

8:39: Did Blakely just treat "Scorpio" and "scorpion" as the same word?

8:40: "THIS GUY."

8:41: I'm not sure that that's a good look for Jamie.

8:43: Jaclyn, I'd rather be socially awkward and hot than annoyingly needy and not.

8:45: Wait a second...from those previews, is Nick The Mute going to do what it looks like he's about to do?

8:51: I respect any dude that breaks out of the FriendZone.

8:52: They stood up to announce her moving to Portland?  This is kinda ridiculous.

8:54: Neil Lane appearance!

8:55: Wow.  Well, that explains why they stood up.

8:59: Chris is dressed well.

9:01: Wow, Nick is completely zoned out and could not care less about this Rachel-Stags situation.

9:02: It's weird to see Nick without a massive sunburn all over.

9:04: Every time they cut to Nick, it looks like he's thinking about how this could be time spent under the sun.

9:17: The fans speak!

9:19: Wait, where was Nick and Rachel's "plea"?  I sure didn't hear one.  Nick is mute one last time.

9:23: Rachel hasn't flipped out yet, which means there's only one reason for her to go crazy...

9:28: Oh, prisoner's dilemma, how I'm about to love you...

9:32: That is some tremendously bad acting Rachel and Nick are doing "pondering their decision".  You know how I don't think about important life decisions?  By picking up two giant signs over and over again.

9:38: Ohmygodthisisgoingtobesoeffinggood.

9:39: Why is Chris Harrison standing behind that weird barrier thing?

9:40: YESYESYESYESYESYES.

9:42: Epic speech.  Epic everything.  EPIC.  EPIC.  EPIC.

9:44: NICK IS MY HERO.

9:45: "I'm the schmuck with $250,000."

9:47: Nick is like the villain you didn't see coming, and it's amazing.  Except his speech made perfect sense, and I don't blame him one bit.  All he needed after his speech was to show "KEEP" and then a mic to drop on the ground as he walked off stage.

9:48: I would like to join the Nick Fan Club.

9:49: Excellent point, Kalon.  Excellent point.

9:52: You know what I'd be doing if I just won $250,000?  Grinning ear to ear like Nick, that's what.

9:56: Note that Rachel hasn't come up with one valid reason why what Nick did was wrong.  Just a lot of crying and tears.

9:57: This was just so brilliant.  And everything he said in his speech made perfect sense.  Note that nobody was saying "He made the wrong decision."  Just a lot of "I can't believe he did that" and "I feel bad for her".  But his rationale was perfect.  That's why this is the prisoner's dilemma.

10:00: AMAZING.

10:01 This season was like a great movie with a massive Sixth Sense-esque twist at the end.  All of these clues that he wasn't who we thought he was, but we never put it together until the very, very end.  Nick, I applaud the hell out of you.  Well deserved, and well played.

10:07: Only one way to recap this season.  "BP3.  Anything goes."  Followed by a slow clap.  Can't wait til The Bachelor starts up again in January.

Bachelor Pad: Episode #7

It's Labour Day, so I've given the guy who writes the normal pre-amble to the running diary the day off.  I'm a great boss like that.

7:57: Kalon's gone, Erica's gone, Stags is gone.  Among the remaining cast members are Despondent Rachel and a possible mute.  Who's going to provide the entertainment now?

8:01 Nick The Mute speaks!

8:02: Who decides on the champagne toast-giver?  Why did Chris get to do it this episode?  Is it because he won the spelling bee challenge last week?

8:03: Nick The Mute speaks again!  Also, it seems like Nick has spent some time under the sun.

8:04: Blakely on Chris: "He is a good game-player.  But he's also conniving and a liar."  Isn't that what normally makes someone a good "game-player"?

8:05: Tony's breaking out the stylish beater today.

8:07: Speaking of Tony's wardrobe, Dave Jacoby of the Grantland Reality Fantasy League raised a good question during last week's episode: Why was Tony in an outfit befitting a figure skater?

8:09: Trapeze time!

8:10: Tony has unfortunate fashion choices.

8:11: Nick The Mute has a personality!

8:12: Gotta be Donna!

8:15: "Sarah's TV watching is definitely paying off."

8:18: I'd be lying if I said I'm not jealous of Sarah's Bachelor/ette/Pad knowledge.

8:23: Someone call the NRA - Rachel is putting on a gun show.

8:24: Nick is making up for lost time - he's spoken more this episode than all previous episodes.

8:25: For those counting at home, that's three mentions of Tony's son tonight, and we're only 25 minutes in.  This is clearly the drinking game for this episode.

8:30: Another mention of Tony's son: drink!

8:31: Solid speech by Chris, though.

8:32: Ed showing some man-tears.

8:33: If you're playing the drinking game, you'd be drunk by now.

8:34: Just because you need the money the most, Blakely, doesn't mean you deserve the money the most.  There's a jump in logic there.

8:39: Is Nick sorta going bald, or is that just me?

8:41: I feel like they're putting Nick's interviews on the show simply because there's nobody else left.

8:50: What the hell?  Glee isn't on ABC.

8:51: Brad the Glee pianist!

8:52: Why does everyone on the show keep on pronouncing the "G" in "singer"?  It's driving me insane.

8:55: Motorin'!

9:10: Rachel isn't that bad.

9:12: Nick!  On his knees!  Who is this guy?!

9:14: This is not going well.

9:16: Some epic audience shots.

9:23: You gotta give credit to Sarah for not holding back.  That's about all I'm going to give her credit for.

9:26: "Pitchy"?  Who are you guys, Randy Jackson?  This isn't exactly American Idol here, guys.

9:28: Again, why are there two roses with stems?  Where is the man-rose?

9:30: Nick and Rachel have to pick Chris and Sarah, right?  There's no way that they can pick Jaclyn and Ed, right?

9:31: The Kelly Clarkson concert I went to last week was much better than this.  I'm just sayin'.

9:38: It's gotta be Chris and Sarah.

9:39: Who is this guy?  Nick is totally breaking out of his shell.

9:40: For the record, I would totally sell out one of my friends that I met on a reality show for a guaranteed shot at $250,000.

9:41: As always, solid background music choice by the editors.

9:46: I love how Jaclyn thinks that choosing Sarah and Chris would reflect on how Rachel feels about her.  Um, maybe the $250,000 has something to do with it.  Just a wild guess.

9:48: Jaclyn is a total drama queen.  Why does everything have to be about her?

9:49: Separate limos for Jaclyn and Ed.

9:52: I've had just about enough of Jaclyn.

9:53: #ChrisHarrisonShockedFace

9:54: Jamie!  The FMC returns!

9:57: The finale looks interesting, to put it mildly.

10:00: One more episode to go!  Motorin'!

Bachelor Pad: Episode #6

Just because Michael Stagliano was sent home last week, that doesn't mean I'm done with him yet - shout out to G-Unit for informing me of his upcoming concert in Toronto.  Can you think of a better place to meet single ladies than at the concert of a Bachelorette castoff?  I sure can't.  Anyone want to be my wing-woman?  Stags is also promising hugs and pictures at every show, so I don't know how you could say no.

6:40: I was involved in a Bachelor Pad e-mail discussion today (of course) when I was asked who I thought would win this season.  Kalon is who I think will win.  But there's one person who would be a hilarious winner: Nick, whose speaking moments on camera you could possibly count using your hands.  How awesome would it be if the winner of Bachelor Pad was the guy who never said anything?

8:01: The thought of Blakely trying to spell has me giddy.

8:04: "Nick hasn't spoken this entire time."  So it's not because he just gives boring interviews.  Is he a mute?  Does he have a social anxiety disorder?  Why doesn't he speak?

8:10: This is going to be great.

8:11: There's no need to high five after correctly spelling a 4 letter word, Jaclyn.

8:12: Kalon just Clark Kent-ed us.

8:13: The three kid judges are learning that spelling is not necessary to being famous.

8:15: I love that Chris was made to spell "philanderer".

8:17: I'm flabberghasted.

8:21: Nick speaks!

8:23: Spell-off!

8:24: I love Chris Harrison and all, but he mispronounced "soiree".

8:25: Oh Kalon, why are you so awesome?

8:26: It's not serendipity that Chris spelled serendipity correctly.

8:27: Why didn't Chris get a man-rose?  Why did he get one with a stem?  That's poor foresight and preparation.  You don't say that very often about the production crew.

8:28: Tony is a good listener.  Which is important when your partner is Blakely.

8:29: Love the yellow bus to private plane cutaway contrast.  The editors on this show are the best.

8:33: I wouldn't exactly use the words "kick ass" to describe your performance in the spelling bee, Chris.

8:34: If they're in wine country, why don't they stop by Ben Flajnik's vineyard in Sonoma?

8:34: Wine country is not fit for Sarah's high heels.

8:36: Gotta give it up to Chris and Sarah for yelling "Serendipity" as they jump into the lake.

8:38: Nick speaks!

8:46: I'm surprised that Rachel doesn't have a tub of ice cream in front of her right now.

8:51: "It's going to be fun spending the night with Chris in this romantic barn."  Phrases that have never been uttered in the history of the English language.

8:58: That's pretty scenic.

8:59: Look at Jaclyn trying to rationalize Ed's behaviour.  It's Jamie-esque.

9:02: "I've done everything so normally."  Jaclyn, you slept with the guy who is infamous for drunkenly passing out in the hot tub.  There's nothing normal about that.

9:09: Tony and Blakely make sense to me.  Tokely?  Takely?  Blanely?  Blony?  Bony?  Bony.  Definitely Bony.

9:13: "I don't want to look like a whore." "I don't want to look like an asshole."  Nobody likes a one-upper, Ed.

9:15: Well, this is going to end badly, Jaclyn.

9:22: This Italian mafia music montage is pretty awesome.

9:23: "Emotional alcoholics" is a fantastic phrase, and I commend you, Kalon, for coining it.

9:28: Underrated storyline the past couple of episodes that nobody is talking about: Jaclyn overtaking Lindzi as the biggest makeup abuser in the house.

9:34: Ah, so this is why Nick never speaks.

9:49: Lindzi just did Kalon's lip pout thing.

9:52: Why are they not leaving in the same limo?

9:53: YES!

9:54: That made me happy.

9:56: The trailer for next week look amazing.  This show is the best.

10:00: "I need to page my son."  Classic.

Bachelor Pad: Episode #5

Chris Harrison is Tweeting ominous things about tonight's episode, which is always a good sign.  Former FMC and Bachelor cast-off Ashley Spivey is also Tweeting about tonight being crazy.  Since it's theoretically impossible for both Chris Harrison and an FMC to lie about the same thing, I have no choice but to assume that the following two hours of television will be epic.  And just in case there's any doubt, former Bachelor Pad winner Natalie Getz is also saying the same things about what happens tonight.  And yes, I know that's a disturbing amount of research to do for a reality show.  Regardless, I expect nothing short of three fights, people coming close to blows, personal insults, and bucket loads of tears, and perhaps even some man-tears.

7:45: The next 15 minutes are going to feel like they're taking forever to get by.

8:00: Yes!

8:02: What?  A VIP cocktail waitress turned bikini waxer could use the prize money?  No way!

8:03: I kinda like Cranky Chris.

8:05: Kalon's smarmy attitude is pretty entertaining, you have to admit.

8:06: Kalon to Chris: "That's how he got Emily."  Shots fired!

8:10: If you recall from this past season of The Bachlorette, Chris also called out Doug for, essentially, disrespecting him because he thought he was talking down to him.  Now he wants Ed to talk to him "like a grown ass man".  How come Chris has been on two different reality shows, and has somehow argued with the two nicest guys on both shows about how he is talked to?  It's interesting to note that it's always the other guy's fault.

8:13: Cranky Chris has turned into Mopey Chris.

8:14: Any challenge where being a Hooters waitress gives you an advantage is probably a bad idea.  Just sayin'.

8:16: Wait a second - Hooters has a VIP area?

8:17: Erica.  So awesome.

8:18: I'd like to see the list of challenges where Erica would have an advantage.

8:19: I'm upset that they're not cutting to Chris doing fist pumps every time Blakely drops the cups.

8:21: A woman's history working as a Hooters waitress is becoming a point of contention on this show.  Name me another show on television where this is even remotely possible.

8:26: 26 minutes into tonight's episode is the first time I've seen Nick on screen.

8:35: I enjoy Happy Lindzi.

8:36: Promotional consideration provided by Neil Lane.

8:37: Anyone want to bet me that Tony won't pull out the stop sign on his overnight date with Blakely?  I'll even give you 2-1 odds on a Blakely sex denial.

8:40: I wonder if I'm going to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who will be on The Bachelor Canada.

8:43: Let's be quite honest.  They were driving through the ghetto.

8:44: Zombie talk on a romantic date.  Um...OK.

8:45: The softer side of Kalon.

8:46: 3 words: Legs wrapped around.

8:48: Somehow Kalon has become the hero and Chris the villain.  This show is awesome.

8:51: Tony has drank some Blakely Kool-Aid.

8:52: "Kalon, are these helicopter keys?"

8:54: But what about your kid, Tony?  WHAT ABOUT YOUR KID???

8:58: Lindzi legs wrapped around count: 2.

9:03: Blakely's definition of "reserved" includes her talking for a full minute, uninterrupted.

9:04: Stags For The Win.

9:05: Holly name drop.

9:06: Quotes from Rachel's interview: "spend the night", "take the next step", and "having those feelings".  Someone wants to make some babies tonight.

9:08: Tony tongue sighting.

9:09: Fantastic editing by the production staff as always.  Especially the cutaway from all the couples to passed out Ed.

9:10: Looks like Rachel got to make some babies after all.

9:12: Nick speaks!

9:17: Looks like it's about to get gooooooood.

9:21: Chris Harrison got a haircut.

9:22: Ed.  Wow.

9:27: "We need to have that conversation, I guess."  Ya think, Ed?!

9:28: Tears.  Oh, the tears.

9:29: Great background music choice for the Ed/Jaclyn exchange.  The production staff on this show is second to none.

9:39: I was just thinking that Chris should bring Erica into the deliberation room with her.  This is effing genius.

9:43: I just realized that I called something that I would have done a genius move.

9:44: It's about to get really good.

9:46: And do you know why Erica will have justice?  Because she has a gavel.  Obviously.

9:49: Bombshell dropped.  Do not mess with Erica Rose.

9:50: Holly reference.  Shots fired.  Oh my.  Oh my.  Oh my.  Oh my.

9:53: This show is the best.

9:55: That Erica Rose diatribe was one for the ages.  Wow.  Still can't believe that actually happened.

9:58: Tonight might have been the greatest episode in the history of Bachelor Pad.

Bachelor Pad: Episode #4

Courtesy of Grantland Reality TV Czar Dave Jacoby, I pass along the great gift that is the Michael Stagliano power ballad music video.  Yes, this absolutely happened.  Shockingly, it's pretty good, given the low expectations that have been set by previous reality TV stars who tried to start a music career, with undeniably disastrous results.

7:59: I'm very excited for tonight.

8:07: FMC Jamie says she feels like she can't turn to anyone in the house.  As far as I'm concerned, that's her way of saying she wishes I was on the show with her.  Clearly.

8:10: These "truth" challenges are always brutal.  Sh!t gets real.

8:12: It's not Kalon?!

8:13: "I'm so misunderstood."  Kalon is slowly winning me over.

8:15: "Sexy thoughts" for the win.

8:24: Oh Jamie.

8:27: Maybe I'm blinded by her FMC-ness, but I feel bad for Jamie and don't think she's done anything wrong besides being a bit naive.

8:32: I love that there's a fight over Ed, the naked drunk guy.

8:34: Chavez Ravine!  Best date ever.

8:35: "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?"  Does this include man-crushes, because I'm guilty if that's true.

8:36: Only on this show could a guy who gets drunk, ends up naked in the hot tub, and sleeps with different women on consecutive nights, be the basis of a "Who doesn't have a crush on Ed?" rhetorical question.

8:42: How many times do people in the confessional use the word "everyone" to project their feelings on one person?  "Everyone is annoyed with Blakely."  "Jamie has hit on every guy."

8:45: Oh Jamie.  My god.

8:46: Ed has the same reaction to fireworks at Dodger Stadium as drunken sex.

8:48: Jamie likes to talk.  I would listen.

8:49: I wonder if Jamie would think I'm "surprisingly wonderful"...

8:53: Well done, Chris.  Well done.

8:55: I still can't believe he did that.  Chris is like a superhero villain.

8:56: Oh Jamie.  Ooooh Jamie.  This is what we call "rationalizing".

8:57: By the way, Jamie's going home tonight.  I'm calling it right now.

9:13: Love the porn music starting up when Sarah jumped on Chris' lap in the pool.

9:15: Let's make one thing clear.  Blakely didn't "get over" Chris.  Blakely got rejected, and had no other choice but to move on.

9:17: Oh no, Jamie.  Oh no.

9:19: Jamie is like the car wreck that you can't help but stare at as you drive by.

9:23: Is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?

9:26: Gotta give Dave credit for finding the Nick soft spot.  He's learned a lot from the first day.  Mad respect.

9:27: Nick speaks!

9:31: Why didn't Jamie hook up with Nick instead?  He seems like a nice guy and he's pretty good looking.  Actually, why hasn't any of the girls hooked up with him?  Is it because he also never speaks in the house just like on the show?

9:41: Kalon is absolutely killing it on this show.  He's effing brilliant.

9:47: As I said, is there any way that David and Jamie aren't going home tonight?

9:49: The Jamie goodbyes will be interesting.

9:50: Hell hath no fury like a Blakely scorned.

9:51: Jamie tears time.  I'm calling it.  Once more, for old time's sake.

9:52: David tears instead!  Swerve!

9:53: You can trust 'ol Channy, Jamie.

9:54: I love that Blakely is leading the toast.

9:55: Next week looks epic.

9:56: I think it's safe to say that I'm a huge fan of this show, but even I would never say that being on the show was the greatest four weeks of my life like Dave did in the limo.  Like, c'mon dude.  That's just a  silly statement.

9:59: Are people going to watch Bachelor Canada?  Or is that going to be a poor man's version of the American version that nobody watches, like Canadian Idol?

10:00: Stags is a breakout musical star!

Bachelor Pad: Episode #3

I just watched the magnificent yet controversial Canada-USA Olympic women's semifinal soccer game, and three thoughts lingered with me:

1) What an amazing game.
2) The ref was absolutely horrific.
3) There is an FMC on the Canadian women's soccer team.  My goodness, is there ever an FMC on the team.

Every time #10 entered my television screen, I swooned.  This was one of the rare times that I regretted not having HD channels.  But you know what would be crystal clear?  A Google search, which led me to officially nominate Lauren Sesselmann as an FMC.  Oh, I'm sorry, that's just her Canadian Soccer Association bio.  I wonder what her Twitter picture looks like.  Double swoon.  And let's not pretend like I didn't do a Google image search for her...

On that note, I'm revved up for tonight's Bachelor Pad.  And Lauren Sesselmann has set the tone for what an FMC should be.  Jamie, it's time for you to step up your game.  No more pining for Chris.  You're so much better than that.

7:12: Triple swoon.  OK, I swear.  That's it.  No more Lauren Chan Sesselmann talk for the rest of the night.  Let's focus on what's important - watching the glorious television that is Bachelor Pad.

8:00: Obstacle course!

8:04: Ed just wants to party.

8:06: Jamie!  I'd be lying if I said I didn't still swoon for her.

8:10: This challenge makes me hungry.

8:11: Tremendous use of the word "nutsack".

8:12: Jamie, you are not "stuck" with Ed.  You get the privilege of being on Ed's team.

8:13: Oh Kalon.

8:14: Is anyone else giggling every time they say "nutsack"?

8:15: OK, Jamie.  Maybe you had a point.

8:25: Blakely and Jamie on the same date?  Yes, please.

8:30: I want to know why Jamie didn't go to prom.

8:31: Did Blakely really just call Jamie stupid?  So just to be clear, the former VIP cocktail waitress questioned someone else's intelligence.  OK then.

8:39: Jamie, I could learn to love country music.

8:42: Ed having sex is way more entertaining than it should be.

8:45: JAMIE!!!

8:46: It's nice that Jamie is the prom queen.

8:47: Great job as always by the editing staff, this time with the cutaways between the music, Jamie and David dancing, and the Blakely/Erica conversation in the car.  It's the little things that make this show fantastic.

8:52: Totally forgot that Nick was still on this show.

8:53: Tony - "I think I deserve this rose because I'm playing for my son."  This makes no sense.  Is your son also Rachel's son?  No.

8:55: Chris Harrison deserves an Emmy.

8:57: Jamie is a tragic figure.

8:58: Jamie makes my heart hurt.

9:06: I enjoyed the completely unnecessary pause and music buildup to Stags getting the rose, like there was actual drama.

9:07: I'm still confused as to why Tony thinks he deserved the rose tonight.

9:17: Reid is not a very good liar.

9:26: If Blakely isn't going home tonight, then who is?

9:29: I dub thee Nick and Donna, Nonna.  Better than the alternative, right?

9:31: It does not surprise me that Kalon enjoys being the puppet master.

9:35: I love that Reid says that "they" have hard feelings over Jillian.  By "they", I'm pretty sure he means him.  I don't think Ed holds any hard feelings over Jillian since, ya know, Jillian chose him over Reid.

9:37: Why does Reid always have that smirk on his face?

9:43: If Sarah sends Ed home, it'll be because she's upset that Ed hooked up with Jaclyn after hooking up with her, not because "Reid is a strong leader".  Like, c'mon.  What kind of ridiculous rationale is that?  "I came on Bachelor Pad so I could follow a strong leader."  Please.

9:47: Blakely, that implies you're not already a trainwreck.

9:49: Tony deserved that rose because he has a son.

9:50: I like that David is congratulating each of the women when giving out the rose.  You can tell he's enjoying just being on the show.

9:51: I look forward to the Ed/Reid farewell exchange.

9:53: Nonna was so short-lived.

9:55: From next week's preview, I'm liking this Axis of Evil between Kalon and Chris.

9:57: Not only did I watch and live blog Bachelor Pad over the last two hours, I also successfully executed a trade in one of my fantasy baseball leagues during the commercial breaks.  Multi-tasking at its finest.

10:00: Wasn't there a rat issue last season as well?

Bachelor Pad: Episode #2

I'm starting to incorporate sayings from The Bachelor franchise into my everyday use.  For example, I channelled my inner Chris today at work by sending out an e-mail that simply said, "On a scale of 1 to Compelling, where would this be?"  I'm not even joking.

Speaking of Chris, I look forward to Quietly Full Of Rage Chris unleashing Getting My Mack On Chris upon the Bachelor Pad house.  And if that leaves FMC Jamie upset and ready to run into my waiting arms, so be it.

8:01: Did I see girls making out?  Yes, yes I did.

8:02: Twins.  Annoying.

8:03: This is the first time that I've been upset with the Bachelor/ette/Pad producers.  Whoever was involved with the decision to cast the twins really needs to get a stern talking to.

8:06: Erica Rose doing gymnastics?  Yes, I would like some of that, please.

8:16: Leotards for men = Mantards?

8:20: Did the producers choose JP and Ashley because there were no girls on Bachelor Pad from Brad's season of The Bachelor with Ashley and they didn't want biased judges?  Because that would be kind of amazing.

8:24: Respect The Worm.

8:27: Michael is pretty awesome.

8:32: Why is Jamie still in her leotard while talking to Donna?

8:34: Does Erica Rose really think that the twins aren't going home tonight?

8:35: Jamie in a bikini.  Swoon.

8:44: Jamie, not a drinker.

8:45: Oh no, Ryan.  Oh no.

8:46: Bring home to the family?  Have kids?  You made out with Chris once, Jamie.  Let's slow it down just a bit.

8:47: Yes, Michael.  You're doing something for Donna.  You're making out with a hot chick for her sake.  You do not get any benefit at all from this.  Not at all.

8:49: Oh Jamie.  So naive.

8:50: Donna has what the Macho Man calls "jealous eyes".

8:51: "I have to solidify the alliance."  If that's what you want to call it...

8:52: Seeing someone you have feelings for hookup with someone else in front of you would kinda suck.  But to do it on your birthday brings it to a whole new level of suckiness.

8:54: It's tough to see the FMC so upset.

8:56: Chris, Manwhore.

8:59: Why isn't Chris Harrison hosting the soapbox derby?  Why is it this old dude?  This is upsetting.

9:00: David say, "I think my plan is working."  Was your plan to completely botch the vote last week, followed by being invited on a group date out of pity?  Because if that's the case, then yes, your plan is working.

9:02: Really?  Chris Harrison couldn't have done the 20 seconds of play-by-play announcing?  They had to bring in someone else to do it?

9:03: That's an impressive trophy.  And he pulls a Stanley Cup by drinking out of it?  Ed is all kinds of awesome.

9:11: Oh Blakely, I see what you did there.

9:16: Ed and the trophy is awesome.

9:17: Pickle!  Yeah buddy!

9:18: God bless America indeed.

9:19: Calling the twins a train wreck is unfair to train wrecks.

9:21: You know it's bad when Erica Rose is rightfully saying that you're being overly dramatic.

9:26: The twins actually remind me of someone I know.  It is not at all enjoyable to be in her presence.  I can't imagine what it's like to be around two of them.

9:30: The twins are the worst casting decision in the history of the Bachelor franchise.

9:36: I'm digging Jamie's black gloves.

9:39: Reid, still bitter about Jillian.

9:40: Erica used the gavel.  Amazing.

9:42: Sarah has baggage.  There's no other reason to explain how a girl could hook up with a guy, vote for him to leave the next day, then be upset once she realized that she voted for the guy she enjoyed spending time with.  Baggage.  There's no other explanation.  Probably something about how she pushes away people she cares for so she doesn't have a chance to be hurt by them because she's been hurt in the past.  By the way, my shrink sessions come free of charge.

9:43: Ed cannot believe that his future will be dictated by Jamie.  For the record, I would like Jamie to dictate my future.

9:50: I'm still confused by this whole Kalzi situation.

9:51: If we're robbed of more Ed this season because of Sarah being an emotional baggage-carrying mess, I'm going to be upset.

9:52: More proof that Jamie is awesome.

9:53: Why is Reid leading the toast?

10:00: I can't tell if the girls teaching gymnastics are 12, 18, or 24 years old.  All are equally plausible.

Bachelor Pad: Season Premiere

True story: I was staying late at work today, and was thinking of staying right until 7:45 because of the amount of work I had to do.  At precisely 7:05, my computer initiated a software update.  There was no "Cancel" button.  I had no choice but to go home.  It was like my computer was telling me that I couldn't risk missing even a minute of the Bachelor Pad premiere.

7:54: I'm really excited for Bachelor Pad tonight.  You know what else I'm excited for?  Mariah Carey hosting American Idol, that's what.  I have no choice but to make a triumphant return to watching that show after a five year hiatus in 2013.  The only question is who will gain the next coveted title of American Idol FMC, following in the glorious footsteps of Kristy Lee Cook and the immortal Kellie Pickler.  And no, I don't have a type, I don't know what you're talking about.

7:56: Speaking of Idol, would it shock you that I'm going to the Kelly Clarkson The Fray concert this summer?  And what's the right way to phrase that?  If the proper English grammar is "the Mariah Carey concert", would I have to call this "the The Fray concert"?

7:58: Crap, I haven't finished eating dinner yet.  This is going to be multi-tasking at its finest.

8:00: Yes!  So excited!  They just jump right into it - I love it.

8:02: Chris Harrison, you don't need to introduce yourself.  We know who you are.  Sorry, but that's tradition.

8:04: How is Lindzi wearing EVEN MORE makeup this season?!

8:06: I love that Reid and Ed are rivals and are on the show.  Nice job by casting.

8:07: Yes!  "Frienemies"!

8:09: "Helicopter fuel is expensive." Classic.

8:12: I love that Chris Harrison just referred to the cast members as "stars".  That's just a wee bit of exaggeration, and I'm someone who loves this show.

8:13: "I have a secret.  I love to watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette."  Well, it's only a secret if you make it a secret, dude.  I watch those shows, yet it's somehow not a secret for me.  Are you a little ashamed there, SWAT boy?  If you watch these shows, you gotta just own it.

8:14: Well, hello there, Donna.  I love that they went slo-mo for his montage.

8:15: "I like Blakely, of course."  Yes, of course...

8:16: Twinning!

8:23: I just want to point out that everybody greets Chris Harrison like he's their best friend.  Again, best host ever.  He can do no wrong.

8:26: Ed is a bit of a jackass.

8:28: Blakely's ABC bio says she's 28.  I wasn't aware that the website was set up 6 years ago.

8:32: Jamie.  Swoon.

8:34: I love that Kalon and Erica Rose are in the same social circle.  Is anyone shocked by this?

8:35: Kalon, you do not treat Chris Harrison as the valet.  How dare you.

8:38: There's a 50/50 chance that Donna has butt implants.

8:41: I'm calling them the squinting twins.

8:48: Even Chris Harrison doesn't know how to react to naked Ed.

8:49: What the hell is Ed doing?

8:52: Ed is amazing.

8:53: Where's the heeeeat?

8:57: I enjoy casual plaid Chris Harrison.

9:00: Yes, Lindzi, we remember from Ben's season that you're afraid of heights.

9:04: Man, those twins are annoying.

9:09: An hour and ten minutes into the premiere, and we've already seen four people blurcled.

9:12: Can I also "talk" to Jamie?

9:13: The first tears of the season, an hour and 13 minutes into the premiere.  This show is the best.

9:19: Dave forgot to pack sunscreen.

9:21: Dave is not exactly a master strategist.

9:38: I'm a fan of Reid and Paige, or as I like to call them, Rage.  Too bad Paige is going home.

9:42: Kalon the villian!

9:48: I'm not accustomed to seeing sober Ed.

9:49: Jamie!

9:50: I like that the guys kept Donna around just because she's hot.

9:52: Dave is a total idiot.

9:53: You're right, SWAT.  It was very cool that you got a picture with Chris Harrison.

9:55: Bachelor Pad, how did I go a whole year without you?

10:00: Chris Harrison taking Kalon's car for a spin was unbelievably awesome.

10:01: This season looks epic.

The Bachelorette: Season Finale & After The Final Rose

I logged into Facebook and found this.

This is clearly what the people want, and this is what they'll get.  Hopefully it won't be too boring as we go through a two hour charade of pretending that Emily isn't going to choose Arie at the end of the finale.  The only issue to be resolved is how tall Jef With One F's hair will be during the finale.  If you haven't been paying attention, it seems to have slowly grown every episode, culminating in his Utah date where his hair might have been legitimately 5 inches high.  I wonder if it'll grow to 6 inches tonight. (That's what she said.)

7:05: In case you were wondering, I'll be blogging during the two hour finale as well as After The Final Rose tonight.  That's right - three hours of Chan tonight.  As if there was any doubt.  It'll be interesting to see if my new laptop can go three hours unplugged.  Just because I was told it can by the salesperson when I bought it doesn't necessarily mean it actually will.  And no, I did not ask the salesperson, "So will the battery be able to last for three hours so that I can watch the season finale of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette with it by my side?"  But I was definitely thinking it.

7:16: And just a reminder, Bachelor Pad is starting tomorrow night.  No need to re-hash my Bachelor Pad cast preview from a few weeks ago, but I'm excited about officially anointing Jamie as an FMC within five minutes of her emerging from the limo, along with wondering how much of d-bag Kalon can be.  As a result, I'll be live-blogging Bachelor Pad every week, so feel free to join me tomorrow night as well.  Yes, that's right - five hours and two nights of live blogging.  Even I'll be sick of me by tomorrow night.

7:25: Chris Harrison is setting high expectations for tonight.

7:31: In related news, it's a toss up between Chris Harrison head nods and any mention of Ricki as the drinking game tonight.  The mentions of Ricki will be dispersed throughout the show, so you'll have a good buzz going throughout the whole night.  However, if you go with Chris Harrison head nods, you won't be drinking at all for long stretches, and then all of a sudden, you'll have to take ten drinks within a two minute span.  Both will be equally good drinking games in its own way, so feel free to either one.  Choose both, however, and you run the risk of ending up at the hospital with alcohol poisoning.  Don't say I didn't warn you.


8:00: Here we go!


8:02: Is something up?  Why are they starting in the studio live instead of doing the two hours finale first?


8:03: Chris Harrison, this isn't the most anticipated television event of the summer.  Bachelor Pad is.


8:04: First Ricki mention.


8:05: I'm fascinated to hear from Emily's parents.  I don't remember them at all from Brad's season.


8:07: Second Ricki mention, this time by Suzy.  If this was your drinking game tonight, I think you'll be buzzed in about half an hour.


8:10: Jef With One F, Gentle Soul.

8:12: Jef With One F is running through the Maynard family gauntlet tonight.

8:13: Ricki mention by Jef With One F.  Everybody on the show wants you to get drunk tonight!

8:14: Why is Emily surprised that her family is a big fan of Jef With One F?  Isn't it pretty obvious that this guy is for realz and exactly the type of guy parents love?

8:17: Not just across America, Chris Harrison.  North America.

8:20: Ricki mention by Arie.  Everybody on the show is chipping in with the drinking game.

8:21: I like that Emily's brother called Arie out on him being a smooth talker.  He seems like a no BS kinda guy.

8:22: Now her dad is chipping in with the drinking game.  Are you drunk yet?

8:26: Did you notice that both of the guys walked away from where Emily and her family were staying?  How come a car wasn't there to pick them up?  How far did the guys have to walk?  Were the guys just staying around the corner?  Or were they going to be picked up by a driver?  But if they were going to be picked up by a driver, why couldn't the driver just pick them up in front of Emily's place?  These are the things I think about.

8:27: I'm not sure if you've heard, but they have the sound from the live studio audience very faintly in the background, so you can hear them laughing during funny moments.  This isn't a freakin' sitcom.  This is serious business.  This is The Bachelorette.  Turn that crap off.

8:31: Is Emily's brother's future wife better looking than Emily?  Discuss.

8:35: Interesting - Emily was driven away after meeting with her family.  How come Arie or Jef With One F weren't driven away?  How come the guys had to walk?  It's not like Emily's vehicle or driver would have been busy, so how come the guys couldn't be driven away by the same driver?  These are the things I think about.

8:36: Half an hour in, and my laptop battery tells me that I still have 90% strength left, equivalent to 5 hours and 17 minutes.  Crisis averted.

8:37: C'mon, Chris Harrison.  There was no way that the crowd was "kinda split" between Arie and Jef With One F.  They were clearly on Team Misspelled Names.

8:39: I've figured out the difference between Emily's relationship with Jef With One F and Arie.  Her relationship with Jef With One F is more of an innocent love, while her relationship with Arie is more "lust-y", if that makes any sense.

8:41: A single strand of Jef's hair is being extremely rebellious on the beach, and it's the only thing I can focus on.

8:43: GAME CHANGER!  Jef With One F is meeting Ricki.  Was it just me, or did it seem like Emily wouldn't have agreed to let him meet her if he hadn't wanted to meet her so badly?  And if that's the case, will Arie will have the same opportunity?  I get the feeling that Arie won't be as insistent as Jef With One F was, but will Emily feel an obligation to afford the same chance to Arie just because she did so with Jef With One F?  Because I highly doubt that she wouldn't have Arie meet with Ricki, yet have Jef With One F meet her, and then choose Arie in the end.  Which is why...GAME CHANGER!

8:46: By the way, anyone who was playing the Ricki drinking game is going to be passed out before the end of the show.

8:50: I'm way too excited for this meeting with Ricki.

8:52: Forget Emily, I think I just swooned for Jef With One F.

8:57: I was 100% positive that Emily was going to choose Arie tonight.  I now have no idea what's going to happen.

9:02: Jef With One F needs to improve his eye contact when he says something substantial.  He said, "I can tell you're a good mom"...but with his eyes looking down the entire time, before looking up after he said it.  He has to let go, look her in the eye, and just go for it.

9:05: Jef With One F is definitely not as liberal as Arie with his tongue.

9:11: Chris Harrison mentioning the one F was fantastic.  That's why he's the best.

9:12: Chris Harrison head nod drinking game people, you're on notice.

9:16: JEF!  JEF!  JEF!  JEF!  The one F wins!  I want to change my name to "Symon" in his honor.

9:17: I can't believe Emily is choosing Jef With One F, even though he's definitely the best choice for her.  I just assumed that she would pull a Jake/Ben and make the wrong choice.

9:21: I still can't believe she chose him.  Holy crap.

9:23: The editors are doing an unbelievably fantastic job of showing how Arie is doomed and how he doesn't see it coming with these first couple of minutes with his interviews.

9:25: I've lost count of how many "How are you?"s they've exchanged in the first two minutes.

9:26: "Jef" is trending on Twitter right now.

9:31: I look forward to Sean's season of The Bachelor.

9:34: This finale is living up to everything I could possibly have hoped for.

9:36: "Poor Arie" is trending on Twitter right now.

9:42: Ashley S!  Ashley S!  An FMC blast from the past!  This is the greatest finale ever.

9:47: I'm excited for the proposal.

9:48: I love that Emily considers Jef With One F as someone "with an edge".

9:50: Ah, Neil Lane.  A Bachelor/ette tradition and rite of passage.

9:55: What?  No helicopter entrance for the last rose ceremony?  This is an outrage!

9:58: Really?  They couldn't drive Jef With One F up instead of having him walk?

10:00: I enjoyed Jef's little pause after he entered before walking to Emily.

10:03: Promotional consideration paid for by Neil Lane.

10:05: The editing staff always does a great job.  A fantastic video montage.

10:11: Are we allowed to discuss Emily's blemish, or is that in poor taste?

10:22: It's journal readin' time!

10:31: To spare myself a huge rant, I'm just going to assume that Arie's journal was something he typed into a laptop, and the printed pages of his journal are what's in that envelope, and not an actual written journal.

10:37: Jef With One F called Arie?  That's pretty impressive.

10:41: It's really hard to come up with something interesting to say when Jef With One F speaks since he's such a ridiculously good person.

10:44: I just realized that I chose The Bachelorette over Breaking Bad tonight.  I say I just realized it because I never even thought of watching anything other than this tonight.

10:46: The picture-in-picture watching of the proposal is always a touching moment.

10:47: Jef With One F totally tearing up in the picture-in-picture.

10:48: Crap, I think I'm tearing up it's getting dusty in my condo.

10:51: So...Jemily? Ef? Jefily?  What are going we going with here?

10:53: I've decided on Jemifly.

10:59: I must say, that was a pretty epic finale to a solid season.  I'm still shocked that Emily didn't choose Arie, though it was much less surprising after Ricki entered the picture.

11:04: Looking forward to Bachelor Pad tomorrow night!

The Bachelorette: Men Tell All

Tonight should be interesting, as there were a lot of personalities this season that could be entertaining: absurdly nice but awkward Doug, insane Chris, I-Am-The-Man-And-You-Are-The-Woman Ryan, flaunting Kalon, and of course Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette.  Hopefully tonight doesn't turn into a two hour bromance among the guys...actually, I take that back since that would be kind of awesome to watch too.
Here's a quick theory about what happened last week, and what will happen in the season finale on Sunday. If you recall, Emily was very emotional when watching the videos that the three remaining guys made for her. However, the only video she actually shed a tear for was Jef With One F's.  Why did she only cry for Jef With One F's video?  While she knew she was sending Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette home, she didn't have a strong enough connection with him to feel truly upset while watching his video to cry.  She didn't cry for Arie because she already knew she was going to choose him in the finale.  But she truly has strong feelings for Jef With One F, but already knew at that point that she was going to pick Arie in the finale, and so she cried.
By the way, this YouTube interview with Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette has now convinced me that he would make an excellent Bachelor.  Though I stand by my belief that Jef With One F is still going to be chosen, and would make a better Bachelor.

7:46: I'm pretty excited about watching two hours of Chris Harrison putting on a hosting clinic.

8:02: I've said it once, I'll say it again.  You don't need to introduce yourself, Chris Harrison.  We all know who you are.

8:02: Time for the Chris Harrison Head Nodding Clinic.  This is definitely the drinking game tonight.

8:05: For the record, I have no problem marrying someone and having her call me her "trophy husband".  In fact, I'd love it.

8:06: I'm pretty sure that that was the first ever "I'm proud of you" head nod from Chris Harrison after they talked about how she dealt with Kalon.  I had no idea that it was even possible to have this many different variations and to be able to convey all these emotions with a simple movement of the head.  Head.  Nodding.  Clinic.

8:12: Blooper time!

8:16: I would argue that Chris is still a better dancer than me.

8:19: Wait, those weren't bloopers?

8:26: There's no doubt that Jamie is going to be an FMC on Bachelor Pad.

8:30: In case you forgot, we still don't have an explanation for John's "Wolf" nickname.

8:36: Chris, freaking out?  No way.  I don't believe it.

8:38: "You were offended by a lot of things."  Ryan is an amazing quote machine.


8:40: First "You weren't there for the right reasons" of the night.  I'm not sure we heard that at all this season, which is a rarity.


8:49: Oh Chris Harrison, you are so awesome.


8:52: Sean, is it possible for you to not be perfect for just a second?  Why do you always say and do the right thing?

9:06: I hate to say it, but Ryan needs his own reality show.

9:07: ...and I'd watch it, obviously.

9:17: Anybody else feel like giving Chris an ovation at the end of his interview?

9:24: The word "stoic" comes to mind watching this Sean montage.

9:33: Sean, again with the perfect answer.  Stop it.  Just stop it.

9:37: The serious and concerned head nod from Chris Harrison during the Kalon exchange.  He's the best.

9:44: BLOOPER TIME!

9:48: In case there was any doubt, yes, I will be liveblogging during the two hour finale on Sunday, along with After the Final Rose afterwards.

9:56: Interesting that Arie refers to being a stepfather, while Jef refers to being a father.

9:59: The finale looks pretty epic.  See ya Sunday!

The Bachelorette: Episode #9

Before I get started, I just wanted to properly credit my buddy G-Unit for giving me the scoop on the Chris Harrison-Emily rumour from last week.  This past week, I was told that Mrs. G-Unit's eagle eye noticed that Chris Harrison was still wearing his wedding ring during his interview with Emily, even though he is now separated from his wife.  It'll be interesting to see if/when the wedding ring disappears as we wrap up the season.  And yes, I will be looking for it tonight.
On a side note, G-Unit looks a lot like Chris Harrison.  Mrs. G-Unit is married to G-Unit, so is theoretically attracted to both him and people who look like him.  Chris Harrison is recently single.  Mrs. G-Unit has been checking out Chris Harrison's wedding ring situation.  Is that a coincidence?  I will let you draw your own conclusions.

7:08: We're not done with Chris Harrison just yet.  If you're looking for some thoughts on what's going to happen tonight, Chris Harrison tells us that tonight's ending is one you can't miss because it's the #mostdramaticever.  A second Chris Harrison tweet ominously tell us how we're going to feel about tonight's episode - don't click if you do not want to know how you will react to tonight's episode.  As if I wasn't looking forward to tonight's episode already...

7:15: By the way, it's obvious that Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette is going home tonight.  You can write that down in pen.  He's too perfect.  Perfect means boring and unchallenging.  Women do not like boring and unchallenging.  You cannot be intrigued by someone who has no flaws and quirks.  If anything, Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette is designed too perfectly.  As I told G-Unit in an e-mail this week, the best thing that Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette can do tonight is let a big fart rip.  I'm not even joking.

7:18: How many guys is Emily going to boink enjoy the fantasy suite with tonight?  My guess is only Arie, since that who she's choosing in the end, leading to Jef With One F becoming the next Bachelor.

8:00: Here we go!

8:02: Promotional consideration provided by American Airlines and the something-something Lodge.

8:04: "When you find those things in a person..."... it's like he's a cyborg specially designed for The Bachelorette?

8:06: Emily admits to liking guys with an edge.  You know who has absolutely no "edge"?  Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette, that's who.

8:08: Emily just got choked up talking about Arie.  Emily did not get choked up talking about the other two guys.  Emily is choosing Arie.

8:17: I noticed that the helicopter didn't fly away after dropping them off.  What's the pilot doing during their date?  Reading a book?  Sodoku?  Angry Birds?

8:19: Sean: "I'm crazy about you." Emily: "Thank you."  Not something one says to their future husband.

8:26: This would be the perfect time for Sean to just let a huge fart rip.  I'm dead serious.

8:28: Guys are really a fan of writing things down and reading them to Emily this season.

8:29: The drinking game tonight is Emily saying "Thank you" to Sean.

8:30: How nervous was Sean before he dropped the L-bomb?  You could totally read it in his eyes.

8:31: Boinking Fantasy suite decision time!

8:33: Sex denial #1!

8:34: Emily definitely wanted to get physical with the Cyborg.  Tremendous restraint shown.

8:40: I'm on a boat!

8:42: "...and even though I couldn't say anything back, he could tell from my face how I felt."  Is that the first time in the history of the show that it's been made blatantly clear the Bachelor/ette is not allowed to drop the L-bomb?

8:49: You know why Emily would be happy to move to wherever Jef With One F?  Because she saw the freakin' compound that Jef With One F brought her to on his hometown date.  She knows wherever she goes, she'll be well taken care of.  I would love to have seen her reaction to that question if Cyborg had asked the exact same thing.

8:52: Jef With One F is just killing it on this date.  He's asking questions that prove he's thinking about the big picture.

8:54: Reverse Sex Denial!  Unbelievable!!!  What a swerve!

8:58: Right after the reverse sex denial, Jef With One F confidently states, "Every night will be a fantasy suite."  I would not be surprised if flames are shooting out of the top of Jef With One F's head because he is on absolute fire right now.  He just put on an absolute clinic on how to do the right thing while leaving Emily wanting more.  Slow clap.

9:00: The reverse sex denial was fantastic.  I love that Jef With One F had the balls to turn her down first.

9:03: I want to swim with dolphins.

9:05: Here's what's going to happen - Cyborg gets sent home tonight, Emily chooses Arie in the finale, Jef With One F becomes the next Bachelor, and then Emily and Arie break up a year later once they realize that a relationship built around making out and sex fizzles out after a while.  Here's what Emily should do - send Cyborg home tonight, choose Jef With One F, and Cyborg becomes the next Bachelor.  Emily and Jef With One F live happily ever after on a farm in Utah with Ricki and their five Mormon-raised kids.

9:18: Emily didn't even offer Arie the fantasy suite card because she didn't "trust herself".  Can we just skip right to Arie's proposal now please?

9:21: No wedding ring on Chris Harrison!

9:23: It's amazing how many different head nods that Chris Harrison can break out during these interviews.

9:28: The Strong Head Nod.  The Slow Head Nod.  The Subtle Head Nod.  The Right Tilt to Left Tilt Head Nod.  The Understanding Head Nod.  The Empathetic Head Nod.  These are just the ones I can name off the top of my head nod.

9:31: Is it just me, or is Emily wearing a glorified tank top right now?

9:33: Tears over Jef With One F's video?  Does that mean he's going home instead of Cyborg?

9:34: Oh Emily, you are so wise.

9:36: Has Emily always had that tattoo on her left wrist?

9:40: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Chris Harrison.  Nobody is guaranteeing a proposal in the finale.

9:42: Arie, first rose.  Lock it down.

9:43: First rose Jef With One F?!  What the hell is going on?!

9:44: Ah, OK.  Sending Arie home would have been the biggest shocker of all time.

9:45: For the record, Cyborg wore loafers to his last rose ceremony.

9:46: Emily be emotin' right now.

9:47: Great background music for the whole conversation.  The production guys on this show are so good.

9:50: No tears from Cyborg.

9:55: I enjoyed the subtlety of Sean's exit.  There were no shots a la Chris' infamous "I told you that I LOVED YOU".  Just quiet, sad reflection.

9:57: Ryan, Chris, Doug, and Kalon are going to make The Men Tell All very awesome next week.

10:00: Arie's outtakes were pretty awesome.

10:01: A solid, all around episode.  Not a whole lot else I can really say.  The only debate left is whether the next Bachelor is Sean or Jef.

The Bachelorette: Episode #8

Hometown dates tonight, and I'm very excited.  I have it on good authority that Jef With One F does one of the most romantic things ever tonight.  But before we get into that, there's a bunch of Bachelor/ette/Pad related items to get to.

1) The season finale and After the Final Rose will be airing on Sunday night.  That means that they've laid the foundation for a Jason/Melissa/Molly last minute switcheraroo, right...?  Oh, who are we kidding.  It's Emily.  She would never do that.

2) The first Bachelor Pad promo is up.  In related news, Kalon remains a horrible person.

3) It's never too late to talk about the next season of The Bachelorette.  My keen detective skills noticed this exchange between one of the executives of at ABC and Gia from Brad's season of The Bachelor and Bachelor Pad 1 & 2.  I've officially reached my manifest destiny as a blogger who is starting rumours about reality TV, so feel free to share this post/rumour-that-I-just-started with anyone who you secretly gossip with about The Bachelorette.  But enough about me.  What would you think of Gia as the next Bachelorette?

4) Star magazine is reporting a potential relationship between Emily and America's everyone's favourite reality show host, Chris Harrison.  This would make the Jason/Melissa/Molly love triangle and Jake-chooses-nobody drama look like nothing.  And if you can't trust Star magazine, who can you trust?

5) Bachelor Pad is only three weeks away.  I've already given in to my inevitable falling for Jamie (the awkward kissing girl from Ben's season who was directing how their makeout session would go) and her awkward charm, so I've started following her on Twitter.  Only 312 followers - how is this possible for the person with one of the most memorable scenes in Bachelor history?  It actually makes it remotely possible that she could potentially turn into an actual FMC since she's not actually famous, thus fulfilling my second manifest destiny to marry someone from the Bachelor franchise.

7:51: Excuse me for the next 3 minutes as I go get me some ice cream.

7:59: I wasn't joking.

8:01: Here we go...

8:02: Has anyone else noticed that Emily's scenes with Ricki have now replaced shrink sessions with Dr. Chris Harrison conversation scenes with Chris Harrison this season?

8:05: You know how you can tell that Emily isn't looking for someone exciting?  When she's labelling Arie as the "bad boy" with an edge.

8:07: This ice cream is delicious, by the way.

8:10: Prediction: The preview where they're showing Jef With One F's brother, Robert, telling Jef With One F that he has "never seen you want those things" (ie. being a husband and father) will actually be a scene where he tells him "I have never seen you want those things...until today."

8:11 The ice cream is melting.

8:12: "Chris told me that he loved me...and it feels so great."  Not exactly a ringing endorsement of Chris.

8:13: "On a scale of 1 to Polish, we're Polish." Not that much of a Chris fan, but he gets kudos for that quote.

8:14: Update: Ice cream is finished.

8:16: I look forward to Chris' sister, Renee.

8:19: The lack of ice cream for this commercial break makes me sad.

8:21: "...excited to meet their future daughter-in-law..." Hoooold your horses there, Chris.

8:22: I love how the dinner table seating is arranged like a sitcom so that everyone is sitting on one side of the table to allow the cameras to get a good shot from the other side.

8:27: On behalf of Betty, I take exception to Chris' characterization of his mom as "the best mom in the world".  Though to be fair, Betty never told me to go kick some ass and fight for someone I love...

8:28: Anyone else find how Chris dropped the L-bomb extremely awkward?

8:30: "If all the other hometown dates go like this, I'm in trouble."  No Emily, if all the hometown dates go well, you're sending Chris home, and there's no question about it.

8:34: Look at the way Emily greeted Jef With One F, and then think of how she greeted Chris.

8:35: This isn't a "ranch".  This is a freakin' compound.

8:36: I don't know why I'm saying this, but it makes so much sense that Jef With One F is a lefty.

8:38: Anyone else notice that Jef With One F's explanation of his parents "doing charity work" sounded completely dubbed over?  For those of you with PVR, rewind it and play it back.  You'll notice it for sure.

8:44: The lemonade cheers was rather charming.

8:46: Look at the positioning of the seats with the conversation with the sisters.  It's setup like an interview.

8:47: Is it just me, or does the one brunette sister looks a bit like Ashley, the previous Bachelorette?


8:48: The one surefire way to win over the sisters is to show how good of a mom you are with one of their kids.

8:49: The lighting for these confessional interviews with the family members is somewhat poorly done.  It's very obvious that there's extra lighting from the glow on

8:51: Why is he not looking at her?  If you're going to declare your love for someone, shouldn't you look into their eyes for at least a couple of moments?

8:52: Well, at least he ended it by looking into her eyes for the last sentence.

8:55: Jef With One F > Chris

8:57: Playing up the auto racing angle.  Well played, Arie.  Well played.

8:58: Emily looked pretty hot walking up with half the racing outfit on...

9:08: Awkward...

9:09: The private chat with Arie's mom is happening in a bedroom?  Really?

9:10: "One of the million things that I love about him..." Indirectly dropping the L-bomb.  A sign of the future?

9:12: I'd like for someone to explain to me a scenario in which someone's parents would not approve of Emily.

9:21: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette is not afraid to use some tongue with Emily.

9:22: They just walked away from the picnic without cleaning up.  If you're going to pretend like the producers aren't involved, at least don't show them walking from the picnic.

9:26: "I think a life with Sean would be perfect."  The thing is, no girl wants perfect, and that's why she won't choose Sean in the end.

9:27: Only rich people name their kids "Kensington".  Can you picture "Kensington" being from a poor family?

9:29: "I wish my mom would have cleaned up a bit."  Wow.

9:30: Well played, Sean, well played.

9:35: Again, Sean is not afraid of using his tongue.

9:37: Sean really likes to run around chasing Emily.

9:38: I'm betting that Sean's use of tongue was much more liberal for that last kiss since the cameras weren't around.

9:39: I'm going to be disappointed if there's no sitdown conversation with Chris Harrison tonight.  It's been a while since we've seen him put on one of his patented head nodding clinics.

9:40: Drink every time you see Chris Harrison doing the head nod during this interview.

9:41: The cutaways are taking away from the head nods.

9:42: "He's been so open with me from Day 1."  Apparently Emily is now willing to completely overlook the whole "I once dated the producer" thing.

9:44: This is what Emily is referring to: "Hey, remember the time when you brought Emily to meet us, and then she broke up with you a few days later?"

9:49: Jef With One F looks really short compared to the other guys.

9:50: I love how Chris Harrison comes out to tell everyone it's the final rose when only three roses are being handed out.

9:51: Chris is the only person in North America who is shocked that he wasn't chosen.

9:52: Chris is not taking this well.

9:53: Chris did not let Emily close the limo door for him.  He is not taking this well.

9:54: Chris claims he is ten times the man that the remaining guys are.  He's also extremely humble.

9:56: They lied to us!  The Emily meltdown comes next week, not this week.  Not impressed.

10:00: I'm looking forward to next week.  To be precise, I'm looking forward to next week to see how Emily deals with the fantasy suite situation with the three guys.  Does she go boinking with every guy?  None of the guys?  Or just with frontrunner Arie?

The Bachelorette: Episode #7

The first full season of The Bachelor franchise that I ever watched was Season 14 (Jake's season), which I started watching because of the Rozlyn-sleeping-with-a-producer scandal.  Obviously, I've been hooked ever since, but I would have never started watching had it not been for that incident.  As a result, I've kept a soft spot for any producer-related scandals on reality shows, rare as they are.  That's why I'm so excited for tonight's episode, where Emily finds out about Arie's previous relationship with a producer on the show.  And to make it even better, Arie is the frontrunner right now in my mind.

7:58: I'm very excited for tonight.

8:03: You can't tell me that the tourism board in Prague didn't pay for some advertising this week.

8:07: Heeeeere we go!

8:08: Oh wow, they even name the producer!  And they talk to her and show her on camera!  This is what happens when I suddenly get excited about something!  I can't stop using exclamation marks!

8:12: "Hi, I'm Chris Harrison."  Again, we all know who you are, Chris.

8:15: I enjoyed that candid interview.  A lot of "ya know"s from Emily made it obvious it wasn't a scripted comment or interview.

8:17: Emily's hand was very high up on Arie's leg.

8:21: Again, we all know your name, Chris.  You don't have to introduce yourself once, let alone twice, in an episode.

8:22: Worst build up and letdown ever.

8:23: Look at the smile and the way Emily is looking at Arie.  She's definitely picking Arie at the end.

8:24: Chris, the guy who flipped out on Doug in the first or second episode, is suddenly worried about showing his emotions in front of the other guys.  OK.

8:25: Look at the smile and the way she's looking at him.  Signed, sealed, and delivered.  Lock.  It.  Down.

8:27: Emily essentially just said she loved him too without actually saying the words.  The other guys are playing for second place right now.

8:31: Will we finally get an explanation on John's "Wolf" nickname?  He's clearly not making it to hometown dates next week.

8:32: My prediction for the Final 4 - Arie, Jef With One F, Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette, and Doug.

8:34: The last time Emily mentioned "liking someone as a person", she was talking about Travis right before she sent him home.

8:39: The only thing that could possibly save Wolf at this point is if he just started howling at the moon.  At least that way, he'd be showing Emily some passion.  Hold her hand, for God's sakes.  Make a move.  Do something!

8:40: Emily just said she felt sorry for him.  Words a guy never wants to hear from a woman.

8:46: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette has a malfunction in his programming.  What the hell is he doing?

8:48: Emily kept on rubbing Sean's arm like she was trying to start a fire with the friction.

8:52: I can't believe Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette actually ran around the city and found Emily.  He must have installed some kind of tracking program before he ran out of the house.  That's the only explanation.  How else can you explain someone randomly running around in a foreign city and actually finding a moving target in less than 5 minutes?

8:53: I always thought Chris was kinda creepy from the time he flipped out on Doug at the beginning of the season.  It seems that might have been justified if these previews are to be believed.

8:58: Arms crossed.  Not even facing her face to face.  No, Doug.  No.

9:01: Doug uglycry time - I'm calling it.

9:02: Yes, Doug.  Your girl radar is totally broken.

9:03: Oh, he's on the verge of the uglycry.  Just let it happen, Doug.  LET IT HAPPEN.

9:04: And there it is!  I knew Doug wouldn't let me down!

9:05: I've figured it out - we discover the origin of Wolf's nickname...when Emily visits his hometown and meets his family and friends.  That's so obvious - I should have been able to figure that out.  By default, that means Chris is the other guy going home tonight since there's no way that Cyborg, One F, or Arie are going home.

9:08: That's not even a man's key.  That's a cyborg's key.

9:14: "So awkward."  I agree, Emily.

9:18: Anyone else find some of these dolls creepy?

9:20: Jef With One F was absolutely killing it with the MJ doll.

9:21: Jef With One F is the next Bachelor.

9:23: The puppet play is strangely riveting.

9:25: Emily doesn't kiss Jef With One F with nearly the same passion as Arie.

9:30: Is it just me, or does Emily look more tanned for Jef's date than the previous day?

9:35: What the hell did Jef With One F say as they finished the date?  Can someone with PVR clarify that and get back to me?  Because I think I know what I heard...and if it is what I thought it was, it's brilliant: "I want to date you so bad and marry the **** out of you."

9:37: Crazy Chris Time!

9:38: Why is Arie leading this group discussion?  This would be the perfect spot for Chris Harrison.

9:39: I can't believe I just called a Chris Harrison appearance a minute before it happened.

9:40 I look forward to Chris' exit interview.  What's going to happen?  Crazy laughter?  Tears?  Uglycry?  Angry rant?  Punches out the window?  Demands to get out of the car so he can walk?  Any or all of these things could happen.

9:47: The sad but dramatic violin solo to kick off the final segment foreshadows an epic scene between Chris and Emily in about two minutes.

9:51: I have no idea what's going to happen right now.  This is why this show is so awesome, even though these two guys don't have a chance in hell of winning.

9:52: And boom goes the dynamite!

9:54: Oh, going old school with the exit vehicle this episode!

9:55: This episode will just makes Chris' exit next week that much more epic.

10:04: A great, great episode.  Despite the letdown of Arie's relationship with the producer, this episode is an instant classic as far as I'm concerned.  You had Doug getting sent home, Arie doing his thing, Chris losing his mind, Cyborg roaming the streets, then suddenly peaceful One F to change the pace, followed by a tense and dramatic rose ceremony after a chat with Chris Harrison.  That's all I could really ever ask for in an episode.  I look forward to Emily's emotional meltdown next episode.

The Bachelorette: Episode #6

Before we get into the main event, have you heard that ABC has revealed the Bachelor Pad cast for this summer?  This show rivals anything and everything else on television, and it might be one of those rare occasions where the spinoff is greater than the original.  Yes, that's right.  I just said that.

Anyway, here are the cast members that are noteworthy:

• Everybody's favorite VIP cocktail waitress is back!  I wonder if Blakely will continue her hobby of stalker scrapbooking this summer.
• We get to find out if Lindzi has stopped putting on makeup with a hose since she'll be on the show as well.
• It says on the link that "Sarah Newlon" from Season 11 will be on.  Yet Wikipedia tells us that Sarah Easton was her name on Season 11.  Looks like soooomebody got married and divorced since Season 11.  And we'll all be better for it if that means Sarah is emotionally unstable and creates a bunch of drama as a result.
• Stunning and awkward Jamie from Ben's season is back for another season!  She's the clear frontrunner for the much coveted FMC status.
• Kalon's back!  He's definitely in line to take over the role of show villain from Bachelor Pad legend Kasey.  Kalon, you have some big shoes to fill, so make sure to step up your evilness.
• Remember Tony from the current season of The Bachelorette?  He was, of course, the single dad who couldn't stand to be away from his son, but only did it because he wanted a shot at love.  In the end, it was too much for him to handle, and Emily voluntold him to go home he and Emily mutually decided it would be best for him to go home.  Well, apparently a shot at love and a shot at $250,000 are both worthy of being away from Tony's son since he's coming back this summer.  I'm pretty sure Tony's not winning another Dad of the Year trophy this year, but I could be wrong.
• Michael will be attempting to be the first ever repeat Bachelor Pad champion.  However, he'll have to do it with a new partner since his old partner is busy being part of the newly formed Blolly.
• They're introducing super fans to be part of the show this season.  An interesting quirk that is made even more interesting because a set of twins are involved.  I did a quick Google search.  Do you know why you might have heard of Brittany and Erica Taltos before?  Because they're the ones who The Situation was infamously twinning with in Italy on Jersey Shore!  I'm sure they're in it for the money, and not because they're trying to be famous.  You know how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and other famous couples are considered a "super couple"?  If Kalon and one of the twins get together, they'll be the "super famewhore couple".

7:25: I still can't believe that Jersey Shore, twinning, and Bachelor Pad are going to collide this summer.  The producers are geniuses.

7:51: Emily is going to be taking care of business tonight, according to Chris Harrison.  And since Chris Harrison is a demigod and never lies, I look forward to watching Emily's business-taking-care-of skills tonight.

7:59: I just crushed the Final Jeopardy question, which was on right before The Bachelorette.  Holmes & Watson.  Chan 1, Trebek 0.

8:02: The preview of today's episode looks pretty juicy.

8:03: Emily's voice has returned.

8:06: "I feel like the luckiest guy in the world."  A lottery winner somewhere in the world would argue otherwise.

8:07: Travis leaves Emily wanting more.  Interesting play, but I'm not sure if it was intentional or not.

8:10: Ah, good to see that Travis recognizes that he is in the FriendZone.  I wasn't sure if he knew he was in the FriendZone.  As a visitor turned perpetual occupier turned property owner turned real estate magnate turned mayoral candidate of the FriendZone, I always root for guys to get out of the FriendZone.

8:16: Travis, I'm totally identifying with you.  And if I'm identifying with you, that means we have things in common.  And if that's the case, Travis, you're likely doomed.

8:18: *sigh*

8:19: Yes!  Symbolic throwing away of the umbrella!  Yes!

8:20: What the hell?  Did we just skip the commercial break?

8:22: See, the Brave marketing people know how to promote properly.  The movie comes out this weekend.  Unlike that Muppets tie-in a few episodes back, which came six months after the Muppets movie had come out.

8:24: So...how many guys do you think are covered up underneath the kilt, and how many guys are letting the boys fly in the wind?

8:29: Tremendous accent on the guy who was introducing the events.

8:31: Chris, if you have no idea what you're doing, you probably don't want to volunteer to go first.

8:33: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette was clearly going to dominate the Highland Games.  He was, after all, specially designed for the show.

8:35: Chris 1, Chan 0.

8:36: Double rainbow in Croatia!  Whoooooa!  What does it meeeeean?

8:42: If Sean and Emily were to have children, they would be half-cyborg, half- Mother Teresa.

8:43: I like how Jef With One F is quiet and polite, but still takes charge of the situation.  For example, when Emily came to meet him, he didn't ask her if she was cold and wanted his jacket.  He just told her that she was going to take it.  It's a very subtle way of taking charge while still maintaining the nice guy persona.  Well done.

8:47: John "Wolf" is going home.  I just want to know why he's "Wolf" before he goes home tonight.

8:54: Arie's reaction was priceless.

8:56: Ryan might be an idiot, but he's an entertaining idiot.

8:58: Ryan loooooves his trophy wife metaphor.  You'd think he would have picked up on how much Emily doesn't like it by now.  You'd think.

9:04: Emily has a different look on her face at this dinner.  Like she's entertained and bemused by Ryan.  She hasn't given this look to anybody else.

9:09: You have to admire how cocky Ryan is, even after he didn't receive the rose.

9:11: Wait, is Ryan such a smooth talker that he might actually convince Emily to change her mind?!?!?!  If this happens, Ryan will no longer Ryan The Guy With A Ginormous Neck.  He'll be Ryan The Guy With Telekinetic Powers.

9:17: There's still a full plate of food on Emily's plate.

9:18: I expect many Ryan-isms in the limo exit interview.

9:19: Those are some serious turquoise shoes that Ryan is wearing.

9:24: "If Ryan is the next Bachelor, the next bachelorette is a mirror."  Classic.

9:27: Arie's hand is half on her hip, half on her butt.

9:28: Everyone else just saw Arie's tongue, right?

9:36: John, if you're going to pour your heart out, you do it while looking into her eyes, not off into the distance.  You could have had an even bigger impact if you had done that.

9:39: Doug is a bumblin', humblin' mess.

9:40: Did Doug just uglycry?

9:49: I wish Chris Harrison was always just around the corner so I could go to him for advice if I needed to.

9:53: John and the possibility of him explaining "Wolf" are still alive!

9:54: Arie dated a producer on the show?  Are they going to show her on camera?  Are they going to interview her?  What the hell just happened?

9:58: Dudes riding donkeys FTW!

10:00: Another excellent episode.  Emily's really coming into her own and gaining confidence with every episode after dealing with Kalon.  I see nothing but entertaining TV from here on out from her.

The Bachelorette: Episode #5

Who's fired up about Emily (finally) getting fired up about something this season?  I sure am.  We're five episodes in, and I'm getting very tired of playing "Who's your daddy?" every week.  As I said last week, my prediction is that Kalon will be on the receiving end of Emily's wrath.

7:58: I want to credit G-Unit about the possibility of Ali's ex, Bobbo, becoming the next Bachelor.  I think he'd be pretty good.

8:01: I'm really excited for feisty swearing Emily.

8:02: What happened to Emily's voice?  Why is it so raspy today?

8:03: "Only one of you will become Emily's husband."  Hooooold on there, Chris Harrison.  Have you seen how many couples from The Bachelor franchise have actually gotten married?  Exactly one - Trista and Ryan.  Sorry, Jason and Molly does not count.

8:05: Sean The Cyborg Specially Designed For The Bachelorette gets the first one-on-one date.  I wonder when he'll reveal the fact that he's a cyborg to Emily.

8:09: "He's so sweet, he's so cute..."  Emily, it's almost like you're saying Sean is too good to be true, like he was a cyborg specially designed for The Bachelorette.

8:11: Sign #1 that Kalon is going to be that guy tonight...

8:14: Good thing that Sean had the soliloquy program installed before he left the U.S.

8:16: By the way, some of you have been leaving comments after each episode's blog (such as last week), which is fanChantastic.  However, nobody has left their name or even initials, so I have no clue who's been leaving these comments.  As a result, I have no choice but to guess who is leaving them.  Last week, for example, there were two comments.  Not sure who the first person was, but I'm pretty sure where the second comment came from.  Those type of positive, encouraging comments can only come from one person I know: Oprah.

8:20: Seriously, they need to address Emily's raspy voice at some point tonight.

8:21: Whoever was in the peanut gallery commenting on each name announced on the group date was probably the same guy who drunkenly yelled out "Christoper!" when Chris Harrison entered the room last week.  And whoever that guy is, he's awesome.

8:25: Hell, I think I'm falling in love with Sean right now.  Such is the power of The Cyborg.

8:29: Finally, they acknowledge that Emily was sick.

8:30: The guy who makes his living flying around a racetrack at 200 miles per hour is "terrified" of auditioning for a play.

8:31: Yes, Travis.  More of this.

8:36: My prediction: Kalon and Alejandro don't make the cut tonight.

8:37: The guy who makes his living driving around a racetrack in front of thousands of fans doesn't like being the centre of attention.

8:41: If you didn't notice, they don't show any panning shots of the crowd.  Which means that their audience is about 30 people.

8:42: Is Kalon trying to win Emily's heart, or is he auditioning for Hollywood right now?

8:43: Yeah, Arie, you sure don't like being the centre of attention.

8:48: By the way, either Emily is the best dater in the history of the human race or these guys have not lived very exciting lives.  How can multiple guys have already called their dates with Emily the best day of their lives?  When I think of the best day of my life, I think of my graduation(s).  I think of the time when I scored the tying goal with less than 5 seconds left in a ball hockey league playoff finals that we would in overtime.  I think of my baseball city championship game when I was 16, when we were down 6-0 in the bottom of the second inning against a dominant pitcher, and I crushed a ball 300+ feet to the opposite field for a triple to start a rally in a game we would eventually win 7-6 (yes, that at-bat is still clear in my head over a dozen years later - I can tell you just about everything that happened on those three pitches, including how I set up the pitcher).  Then again, I've never been on a date with Emily...

8:52: Ryan is reading way too much in his acting kiss.

8:53: I love how they started playing porn music as soon as Ryan closed the curtain.  I've said it once, I'll say it again.  Best sound editors in the business.

8:54: Sign #2 that Kalon is that guy...

8:55: Caaaaaaaaaalled it!

8:56: I like how Emily is thinking of the "most lady-like" response to Kalon.  Oh, Emily.  You never cease to amaze.

8:57: You want to what his ass, Emily?  I'm sorry, but you just can't pull that line off.

9:00: According to Emily's Twitter feed, the phrase is to go "straight up backwoods West Virginia on his ass".

9:01: Here we go - fireworks time!

9:03: You go, girl.

9:08: Possible turning point in the season.  It just got real.

9:13: I'll take the vanilla milkshake I had with dinner over afternoon tea any day of the week, twice on Saturdays.

9:15: Jean is serious about her bid'ness.  Not messing around.

9:16: Fish and chips - my fave!

9:17: Now I want fish and chips.

9:18: You can't read Jef with one F because you're distracted by his hair.

9:19: By the way, if you don't think that Ricki will be taunted with a "Baggage" nickanme by other girls at school when she's in junior high or high school, you're deluding yourself.  It's going to happen.  That's Kalon's lasting legacy.

9:26: I want to start using "West Virginia" as a verb.

9:28: Emily and Jef with one F are having a gentle-and-soft-spoken-off on this date right now.

9:30: I was trying to figure out why Jef with one F's attitude seemed so familiar, and why I liked him so much.  And then it struck me.  Jef with one F is a lot like Ames.  Oh Ames.  How I miss you, your lovable awkward charm, and your ridiculous red pants.

9:34: One of the guys just said it got real last night.  I am absolutely calling everything on this show right now.

9:39: Arie shouldn't have told Chris and Jef with one F about his conversation with Emily, if only because it alerts Chris to the interrogation that he might also experience before the rose ceremony.

9:40: Ryan is so ridiculous.

9:42: *Commence Program Heart Flutter*

9:43: *Program Heart Flutter successfully engaged*

9:47: I stick with my call of Alejandro going home.

9:48: I like how Ryan The Guy With The Ginormous Neck is wearing a scarf that hides his ginormous neck.

9:49: Seriously, when do we get an explanation on John's "Wolf" nickname?  They can't put that as his name and not explain it, right?

9:50: I don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm absolutely killing it right now.

9:55: Nice, more drama next week.  It looks like I might be right - the Kalon incident could be a turning point in the season.

9:57: Since I've called everything else on this show, I'll try to predict what they'll put as the closing credits humour piece. It's a toss up between more unbearable Jean or a funny moment in the London Eye.  I'm going with the London Eye.

10:00: Ah, dammit.  Should have known it was Ryan doing Ryan things.

10:04: An excellent episode.  It looks like we've permanently left Boring Emily behind.  ForRealz Emily is in da house!